quarantine #8- self doubt

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*guys, youre all prerfect! never doubt yourself!*

remus wakes up in the morning, a few days after the... tag incident. you were more quiet, more aloof, more... sad. he gets up and put on his robe and walks out of his and siriuss room and to the sitting room, the telly you made them get in there was turned on, muted, but you werent in there.

he walks into the kitchen to see you sitting in one of the chairs, staring blankly at the bowl infront of you, one of your hands lying on the wooden desk and the other is holding the spoon, playing with the milk in the bowl.

"good morning sweet" he says as he walks beside you and pats your hair, only to hear a hum from you. he raises his eyebrows as he casts a spell to makes coffee. "sleep well?" he asks after a few minutes. "i didnt sleep the past few days" you finally let words out. "someone took your dreams?" he jokes and chuckles, but you dont respond, just keep blank eyes on your bowl.

"i did sleep" you say. "i lied" he isnt sure what hes supposed to answer, so he stays quiet. "i had a weird dream" you say into the silence, not moving from the chair. "what did you dream?" he asks as he pours coffee into his mug snd comes to sit infront of you, and finally you move and look at him from the bowl of milk, and now he sees your bloodshot {E/C} eyee .

"i was in a room, and was the dark mark, it floated there" you say. "alright" he says as he sips from his mug. "and i was standing in the middle." you stop again. "and i was staring at someone. a woman with black messy hair and... she just looked sickening and scary" you say, remus is confused. belatrix? what?. "who was she?" "i dont know... but. well, there were voices in my head" you say as you adjust yourself in the chair.

"one voice told me that im a great witch who can save us... and go down in history as an expalmes against grindwlwald, the witch that can keep peace with knowledge, power, and not just sheer luck" you explained. "i know you can" he says as he smiles softly.

"but.. there was another voice. a voice that told me to... kill her. the woman, i mean. it said i could be the return of gellert grindwlwald and... clear the wizarding world, and that she... she will be my opening" remus is confused. hes looking at you, waiting for the next thing youre going to say, he can see you have more.

"and then...i turned around... i saw a mirror. i walked to it and i saw me, and on my right were you and dad.. and fred and harry and evereyone... on my left i saw gellert, and some man with white hair, and... and..." when your eyes met remuss, your look was scared. "and voldemort" the room became silent after that word. "and?" remus finally asks. "thats it.. for the rest of the dream i was looking at thar mirroe until i woke up..." you simply said, shrugging your shoulders.

"forget about it" remus says. thats weird. "forget about it? what do you mean? i had a dream about dead people, and people i dont know, and so vividly, what do you mean forget about it?" you ask. "its just a dream. like you said, these people are dead! no reason to be scared or dwell on them" he explaines.

"i dont think this is right" you respond. "i dont think you should dwell on it. you have enough on your mind" he says, and the conversation ends. you eat your breakfast silenlty as he drinks his coffee silently, and you move to drinking from your own mug.

"dad" you break the silance after a few minutes. "what if i.. am going mad?" you ask and he forrows his brows. "what?" he asks leaning forward.
he didnt sign up for this when they welcomed their daughter back home.

"in hogwarts... i saw the man again, but then... it was just moody. the same moody. the first time, before i was expelled. and when i came back there" you explained.

"but, you know what yoi saw.." he says. "what if only i see that? what if my brain went flibbityjibbit?" you ask, hes staring at you confused and shocked. youve never been so insecure, scared. you never doubted your own eyes.

"{Y/N} black, youre a great witch, smart, witty, and powerful. i dont think it was a coincidance. i think youre tired. you havent slept properly in a few days." he says, shaking his heas. "if you dont believe you, well, i believe yiu" he says as he reaches foeward and holds your hand.

"ill get some sleep" is the only respond he gets as you slowly get up from the chair, and before you leave, you turn around and finish your mug. "have a good day" you say. "have a good sleep child, please" he says and after nodding, you leave the room and go into your own, to try and sleep.

**

when he finishes his breakfast, he takes your unfinished bowl of cereal and your mug. your mug is finished, and he can see that you had hot chocolate, but the smell... rum. he sets down the bowl and the mug and opens a drawer. the bottle of red crown rum is gone.

**

"she took the rum bottle. your alcohol bottles are vanishing sirius!" remus calls loudly. "so what?! let her drink! shes confised and scared! and shes a teen, we were drinking her age too!" he shouts back.

"not at this amount! not alone! shes just a child!" "shes not just a child! and you know that she went through so much, and built herself up from nothing! from an orphan in drumstrang, to the greatest seeker in the world and to a witch that is wanted by any group out there!" sirius calls back.
"so you think that letting her drink is ok?" "yes!" sirius shouts.

"are you fighting?" they both stop talking at the soft voice they hear and both look up at the stairs to see you. "no child, its alright... just arguing" sirius sighs. "okay.." you sighed softly. you looked misrable.

"are you feeling ok {Y/N}?" "i feel... empty and full at the same time" you respond before you go out of sight and they hear your door shut.

"i need to tell you about a dream she had" remus says

***

i... sorry. i love this. im sorry! if any of you struggles with anything... it would be my pleasure to talk to you :)

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yours, the red demon ♧

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