Chapter Thirty-Four: A Glance Back

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            Hermione took a deep breath and released Draco's hand to cling to the side of the pensive. She'd been holding it ever since she had dragged him out of the broom cupboard. He hadn't tried to pull away, but he hadn't gripped her hand either. She tried not to think too hard about what that meant.

They'd met Harry, Ginny, and Blaise on the way to the headmistress' office. Apparently, whatever Draco had told her had scared Ginny enough to grab the boys.

"You sure you want to do this?" Ginny asked, her eyes glued to Draco's face. Hermione twisted around McGonagall's office to find Draco standing several feet behind him, his face paler than usual. He looked like he was about to bolt.

Draco's eyes flicked over to Hermione, and he met her eyes. Taking a deep breath, he said, "Yea. I'm sure about this."

Blaise stepped up and laid a hand on Draco's shoulder. Hermione looked on, confused.

Harry finally broke the silence. "Hermione, you know Draco is a highly skilled legilimens and occlumens, right?"

Hermione nodded. She'd never given it much thought.

Draco's lips parted slightly, and he shook his head at Harry, so slight that Hermione almost missed it.

Irritation rose in Hermione. "What am I missing here, guys?"

Blaise pursed his lips and tightened his hold on Draco's shoulders. "Why does someone learn how to be either?" Hermione stared at him blankly. "Because someone is trying to get in. Draco here has had to fight for every private thought he's ever kept. From his father, from his aunt, from Voldemort himself. How do you think he survived?"

Hermione shivered. She'd never thought about what it would cost Draco to show her these memories. "You don't have to..." she started.

"Yea, I do." Draco pulled out his wand and tapped his temple. What looked like a thick rope was pulled out, but she quickly realized it was a bunch of tiny tendrils all woven together. He deposited the strands into the basin where they swirled until Hermione's face looked back at her, laughing, her smile too wide.

"Does it hurt?" Hermione whispered, directing her question to Harry.

"No, it's just a bit discombobulating. Just remember this is Draco's memories, not some made-up show. And close your eyes when the memories change – you'll be motion sick if you don't."

She nodded, took a deep breath, and dunked her head under the surface.

Hermione watched herself, Harry, and Ron storm across the lawns of Hogwarts to the spot where she, Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle stood. She remembered this day from her third year – how could she not. Chuckling slightly to herself, she watched her own approach, thinking how weird it was of Draco to want to show her this memory. She knew how it ended.

Chuckling to herself, Hermione watched her arm rear back and then surge forward, connecting squarely with Draco's nose, which immediately started bleeding. She was so engrossed in watching herself storm off, she almost missed the exchange the Slytherins had.

"I think she broke your nose," Goyle laughed, poking at Draco.

"She definitely did," Crabbe chuckled.

"Shut up, both of you," Draco snapped, still staring off after Hermione. A blush had formed on his cheeks. "That was hot as hell," he whispered so low Hermione almost missed it. But she heard.

Confused, she almost didn't remember to close her eyes in time. In the next scene, she stood next to Draco in front of the Great Hall, Pansy on his other arm making snide comments about all the girls around them. Draco was nodding absently. Hermione recognized the scene as from the Yule Ball fourth year.

Draco's eyes were caught by something, and he froze. She followed his gaze to find herself gazing at... herself coming down the grand staircase, her hair laying in soft waves over her shoulder.

Close enough to see him gulp, Hermione watched him track her through the crowd, tugging Pansy along with him as he followed her and Krum. Whatever Pansy was saying was lost on Draco; he was single-mindedly focused on Hermione.

She watched him track her all night long, never leaving his gaze from her for more than a moment. She watched his hand squeeze too tight around a champagne glass when Krum bent down and brushed his lips against her ear, causing the glass to shatter into a million pieces.

She had been stalked all night by Draco, and she hadn't had a clue. But she knew what this was leading up to—the Czech Waltz. At the time, Hermione had thought it bad luck that her second partner had been Malfoy, but now she guessed better. She watched him do the math quickly in his head, positioning himself and Pansy so Hermione would turn straight into his arms. She didn't need to stand close enough to hear the rude things he whispered in her ear. No, this time, she watched as he turned bright pink with her in his arms.

The scene swirled away and was replaced by a dimly lit common room which she assumed was the Slytherins having never been down there. She looked around and found Draco tucked away in the corner, his homework spread out around him. Blaise approached and hit him on the shoulder. "You know you can't do this."

"Do what?" Draco murmured, not taking his eyes off his book.

Blaise sighed and sank down into the seat next to him. "You're not going to beat the mudblood."

"Don't call her that!"

A smirk slid across Blaise's face as Draco colored. "I knew it."

"You know nothing," Draco said stiffly.

"I saw you last year at the Yule Ball."

Draco deflated and rested his head on his book. "I just... if I'm top of the class instead of her, she'll have to notice me."

Blaise stilled and stared at Draco. "We're not allowed to like her type, Draco. Think about what our families would say."

Draco turned his head away. "I know."

Time turned around her, and she was suddenly staring down the hall at a gaunt sixth-year Draco who had a girl pressed against the wall. Hermione knew it was herself – he had cornered her after she had followed him for Harry and told her to stay away from him – made her make a vow to stay away from him at all costs. At the time, she had thought him angry, but now watching him turn away, she realized he was terrified.

She gasped. They were in Malfoy Manor, and Draco's back was to her writhing form on the ground. She stepped closer so she could see Draco's white face. His mother whispered to him, "Be strong for her. She'll die if you stop this. At least at this point, she's alive." Draco gave the tiniest nod possible and cleared his face of all emotion, turning to face her screams. He didn't flinch away, only absorbed what was happening to her with a shuttered expression. Hermione was too focused on him to pay any attention to herself.

Blinking, Hermione found herself in the astronomy tower, swaddled in a big blanket. Draco approached her from behind, sitting next to her and unwrapping the blanket enough for him to snuggle under. "What are you looking at?"

"You," she said, pointing up at the stars.

Draco chuckled. "I'm pretty spectacular, aren't I?"

Hermione rolled her eyes but snuggled closer to him.

After several minutes Draco whispered, "Every time I gaze at you, I feel like I'm looking at the stars. You fill me with wonder and awe, and there's more to you than I could ever discover, and that excites me beyond belief." Present day Hermione watched him start to form the word 'I' and then abruptly close his mouth.

The memory Hermione didn't move, having fallen asleep on his shoulder. Draco brushed a lock of hair from her face. "I love you, Hermione." She didn't stir.

Next, they were at the magical fair for the first time, Hermione riding on Draco's back when her feet became sore. Then they were under a bubble of spring, watching the snow fall outside. They were studying in their dorm together, they were laughing, they were kissing... Hermione felt her eyes tear up again. This is what had been stolen from her by her best friend - her happiness.

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