Shifting the Alpha

Chapter 14-The Screw Up

Ariana's POV

I just finally told him how I feel and we lay here in awkward silence. Does he not feel the same way? He just gets up calmly and out of the back tailgate of the SUV and gets dressed quickly. Ok. This is weird. What is wrong with him? I quickly dress as well and get back in the front seat as he drives away fast. What the hell? Not a word has been spoken since I said what I said. Maybe he didn't hear me and something else is wrong?

"Did you hear what I said?" I ask him nervously.

"Yeah. I heard it." Is all he says in response.

I feel like my heart is breaking. Why is he acting this way? Was he just trying to get me to do things with him? Like some conquest? Has he been using me this whole time? If he doesn't love me, then why do all the things we have done together. I start to feel sick. I feel a tear escape down my cheek and I fight back uncontrollable sobs. He just speeds down the road angrily. Was I not good at what I did? Did he not enjoy it? I mean he seemed to. I am so confused.

We pull back into his driveway and he jumps out and heads inside without another word to me. I just don't understand. I run in after him and I follow him up to his room. I slam the door behind us.

"What is going on? Why are you acting so upset?" I ask him.

The moment of truth is here. Just tell me.

"Because I hate that word. LOVE. It's the most overused word and it means nothing. My parents never used it growing up towards each other or towards me. My ex girlfriend tried to tell me she loved me once and it just makes me uncomfortable. I fucking can't stand that term. It's stupid." He snaps at me.

Wow. Ok. What in the hell? I wasn't expecting that response.

"Ok..." I mutter out before he interrupts me again, "And now you are going to act all broken hearted now. Fuck that." He finishes.

"So I can't tell you how I am feeling? So I am just supposed to hold in my emotions? You have had no problem telling me how much you want me and telling me that I am yours like I am your property. So it's all sexual is that it? You don't want me to feel an attachment to you? You are the most confusing and moody person I have ever met. You also used me to get what you wanted from me. As soon as we had sex you were just going to dump me is that it? No fuck that. Maybe you felt sorry for me? Well I am going to make this really easy for you. Eli and I will be out of here tomorrow. Have a nice life." I yell back at him and turn to leave. But he's quicker and grabs me and wraps his arms tightly around me. I don't reciprocate.

"No, you aren't leaving me. I can't live without you. I need you and Eli. Please don't leave." He begs.

"It sounds like you love us? Did you think we could have a relationship that was purely physical and no other feelings attached is that it?" I ask trying to understand all of this.

"No, I care about you both very much. I just don't know about love and what that even means. It's stupid." He says sounding like a complete idiot.

"Do you think I am some kind of expert?! You think my father ever told me he loved me? Because he didn't. I barely remember my mother and I am sure she told me, but I have had some of the worst experiences when it comes to people that were supposed to love me. And yet I still know what it is and I know that's exactly what I feel for you. And whether or not your parents said it to you growing up is irrelevant. They showed you they loved you by taking care of and providing for you. I am not going to lie and not tell you I love you just to spare you of having to admit you feel the same way for me." I say as I push myself out of his grip. He looks back intensely at me having some type of internal dilemma in his head.

"I will be out tomorrow." I tell him as I storm out and down to my bedroom where I lock the door and throw myself onto my bed as I cry uncontrollably into my pillow. God why me? Why do you keep putting all these people in my life that hurt me? Why? Do you hate me that much? I think and cry to myself. I eventually cry myself to sleep.

Zander's POV

Why did she have to say that and complicate things? It's been going so well. Fuck. I let my anger get the better of me as I throw a decorative vase across the room watching it shatter as it hits the wall. I am so angry I decide to call my mother to confront her.
She answers after a few rings.

"Hello?" She answers.

"Why did you fuck me up so badly?!" I yell choking back tears.

"Excuse me young man but you don't talk to me like that!" She screams back.

"Mom, you and dad never told me you loved me. Dad raised me to be like him. Cold and heartless. And now I find my mate and I don't even know how to respond to her when she tells me she loves me. Because...I don't even know what that is. No one ever told me they loved me. Ever." I say starting to get choked up.

Damnit I am an alpha. I have to stop acting like such a wuss.

"Son, you have to understand. We have always loved you. But your dad didn't want you to grow up weak so he was hard on you. You are an alpha and he wanted to raise you as one. But we both love you. We just didn't say it enough I guess. But we showed you every day." She says.

I am really struggling to be tough here.

"Your dad is always affectionate towards me. Just not in front of everyone else. He tells me he loves me all the time." She tells me. Damnit I fucked up.

"What do I do mom? I am going to lose her. She said I love you and I acted like it was the worst thing ever." I tell her.

"I am sorry son. Just explain to her and tell her that you love her. Because you do love her. Whether you realize it or not. When you care about someone more than you do yourself. That's love. When you would do anything for them no matter how it effects you, that's love. Trust me son you love her. Tell her." She says to me.

Damnit she's right. I can't lose her.

"Thanks mom. I...I...I...love you." I tell her for the first time ever. That was easier than I thought.

"I love you too son." She says before hanging up.

I have to figure out how I am going to convince Ariana that I do love her and to stay.