Once in a Lifetime

Eight.

Louis had avoided Harry for the last three days. He didn't go to his lecture on Thursday, he didn't go to football practice on Friday, and he didn't get out of bed until the afternoon on Saturday. Basically, he avoided the university and any place that Harry could possibly be. He was embarrassed, that was the thing. He had let himself breakdown in Harry's arms, crying and spluttering into his chest, and Harry had let his tears soak into his jumper as his hand soothingly rubbed Louis' back. The niceness and friendship that Harry had shown Louis was too much for him, though. He didn't deserve people being nice to him. He didn't deserve people looking after him. He had killed his best friend, after all. Once he had got his emotions in check on that Wednesday afternoon, he ran away from Harry. He jumped up, running as far away from the overly kind boy as his legs would let him. He ran until he got home, crashing through the door, and hurrying into the shower. That night, he had two showers in the space of six hours. He felt unclean. He felt dirty. He felt like a disappointment.

Once Liam had forced Louis to eat some pasta on the Saturday night, he found himself throwing on a black band tee, black skinny jeans, and a denim jacket. He checked himself out in the mirror, noticing the purple bags under his eyes and the paleness of his face. Once he was satisfied that he looked as terrible as he felt, he made his way down the stairs.

"Are you going out again?" Liam asked, earning a quick nod from Louis as he stuffed his feet into his trainers. "Alright, well, just be careful. Call if you need picking up or anything." Louis nodded again, grabbing his keys from the hook, and leaving the house. It was cold outside, the early November weather hitting Louis' face, causing the skin to become red and blotchy. His hands trembled inside his coat pockets as he made his way into the city centre, once again entering the same bar he had been visiting for the past few weeks.

"The usual?" the bartender asked when Louis propped himself up on a stool. The music was blaring through the speakers, making Louis' head pound to the beat. He loved this place. Yeah, it was dark and loud and busy, but to Louis that was heaven. It meant nobody could see how bad he looked, he couldn't hear the destructive thoughts in his head, and he didn't feel so alone. Louis nodded back to the bartender, watching as he poured the vodka shot and sliding it towards Louis. Within a few seconds Louis was ordering another one, then another, and then another. It only took an hour for Louis to be well on his way to drunk. He stumbled towards the dance floor, the bright strobe lights illuminating the room just enough for Louis to see some of the faces around him. Everybody was laughing, smiling, and dancing, and Louis started to move his body to the beat of the music, jumping up and down and throwing his hands in the air. A few hours later, as midnight passed and the early hours of the morning made themselves known, Louis found himself pushed up against the cold, brick wall of the alleyway once again. Someone's tongue was licking and pressing into Louis' mouth, the smell of alcohol and sweat radiating from both their bodies. Their hands were all over each other, their bodies moving against one another. They were both fully clothed, but Louis could tell it wasn't going to stay that way for long. A few minutes later, when both men were bulging in their pants, Louis started to fumble with the other man's zip. He slipped his hand into his boxers, running his fingers down his length and letting his thumb graze the tip. Louis could feel it pulsating in his fingers, which only caused him to grip it with force and start to pump his hand to the rhythm of his heart.

"Oh fuck, yes, yes!" Louis heard the stranger moan, one hand planted on the wall next to Louis' head, and the other on the back of Louis' neck. "Oh fuck, keep going, just there, yes!" Once the random man had reached his high, he kissed Louis roughly before kneeling and undoing the zip on Louis' jeans. He pulled his length out, stroking it harshly before putting it in his mouth, letting his tongue swirl around the tip with force. Louis could feel his teeth nipping and grazing, so he tangled his fingers in the blonde hair of the stranger, thrusting his hips to hit the back of his throat. It felt good. Dirty, but good. With one final thrust, Louis came down the back of his throat, watching as the stranger swallowed and stood back up. They both did their own zips up in silence, not really making any eye contact as they went in opposite directions. Louis, although he enjoyed it, felt disgusted with himself. He knew this wasn't really who he was, but he also knew he had to do things to punish himself.

On the Monday afternoon, Louis sat in his lecture hall listening to his professor talk about an upcoming exam they would have to take before Christmas. It was only the second week of November, but he wanted to give them time to prepare. Louis had managed to type a couple of notes on his computer, but nothing that was going to help him pass this exam. Thanks to the stranger who kept leaving him the previous week's notes, though, Louis believed he was in with a possible chance. When he had entered the room before the lecture had started, he had found last week's notes typed out and placed on his seat, a reminder that someone was looking out for him. Not that he deserved it, though. Maybe he deserved to fail? Maybe he deserved to get kicked off the course? As soon as the professor said the lecture was over, Louis started to stuff his things in his bag. He could feel Harry looking at him from the end of the row as the other students started to leave. He knew he should apologise for crying on him. He knew he should apologise for running away. He knew he should apologise for avoiding him. He sighed, ripping a piece of paper from his notebook, and scribbling a quick note on it. He waited for Harry to walk past, noticing how, as he got closer, he looked as far away from Louis as he could. Maybe Harry had been avoiding him too? Suddenly, just as Harry approached where he was standing, Louis reached out and held the note in front of Harry. He took it, stopping his walk and reading the note.

'Café?'

That was all Louis had written on the note, butit caused Harry to smile and nod at him before they started towalk together to the same place that they had found themselves sitting lastweek.