Once in a Lifetime

Thirty-Seven.

When October came around, and the leaves began to fall from the trees, Louis' mood fell with them. Things had been going so well in London, they had settled into a great routine and for the first time in his life he actually felt like a proper adult. He and Harry were spending lots of time exploring the city, with Harry regularly commenting on just how big it was compared to Manchester, as well as making sure to see Niall and Liam as much as possible. Niall's writing was coming along well, the Irish lad spending a lot of his time hunched over his notebook, jotting down lyrics and chords as they came to him. Liam was doing well, too, he was proving his worth in the kitchen, his chef whites making him look important. Harry and Louis' relationship was going from strength to strength, the two boys making sure that no matter how hectic life got they always made time for each other. Of course, they all missed home more than they thought they would, but they were all enjoying the responsibility of being an adult in the big wide world. Today, however, Louis didn't want to be an adult. He woke up on the Thursday morning as the autumn sun burst through the curtains that Harry had opened when he got up, and instantly groaned to himself. Today was the today he had been dreading. He closed his eyes again, burying his head into his pillow and focusing on the silence of the room. He had been able to book the day off work, his boss allowing him to take the day as compassionate leave, but Harry hadn't been able to. He had an important client coming into the office today, hence the early start, but he promised he would be home as soon as he could. Louis tried to go back to sleep, but it was no good, so instead he just laid there staring up at the ceiling. One whole year. It had been one full year since Zayn took his own life. 365 days since Louis last heard his voice, touched his body or had his best friend next to him. He knew this day was coming, but it had felt like it had come around so quickly that he almost wasn't prepared for it. How had it been a whole year?

A couple hours later, his phone rang, and after ignoring it for a few seconds he decided to at least see who was calling. Niall. He answered the call, pressing the phone to his ear and waiting for his friend to speak.

"Louis, are you there?" Niall asked, confused as to why Louis hadn't said anything yet.

"Hmm."

"Oh, well, I was just on my way back from the studio and thought that maybe we could get some lunch or something?"

"No, thanks."

"Are you sure? I mean, it would be nice to hang out with you today, I think we could all do with a friendly face right now."

"I said no."

"Louis, please, don't shut us out again. I need my friends today, too."

"What about Liam?" Louis questioned, closing his eyes as the tears began to cloud his vision.

"It's his shift doing the prep this afternoon and I don't want to go back to an empty flat." Louis heard Niall sigh, and as much as he wanted to be there for Niall, he just couldn't bring himself to agree to his proposal.

"I'm sorry."

"Lou, come on, how about I just come round to you for an hour?" Niall's voice was almost pleading by now, but Louis still wouldn't budge.

"No, not today. I'll see you soon." With that Louis hung up, slamming his phone into the mattress beside him as he let out a sob. He ignored the call from his mum about two hours later, texting her to say he was out and that he'd phone her soon. That was a lie, of course, he hadn't moved from his bed all day. As the afternoon neared evening, Louis' phone rang again. Liam. "What?" he answered, holding the phone against his ear.

"Don't take that tone of voice with me. Niall told me that you brushed him off, how are you doing?"

"Fine," Louis mumbled, not really wanting to have this conversation.

"Don't lie to me, Louis, I know you well enough to see through your crap. Niall was really upset, I know you're struggling and today is difficult, but it's hard for everyone, and Niall just needed his friend."

"He has you."

"Yes, but I couldn't be there, just like Harry isn't there now. He needed you, Louis, and you were too selfish to help."

"I don't care."

"Do you think Zayn would be happy about how you're behaving?"

"Zayn's dead."

"You know what? Screw you. Today isn't just about you so stop acting like it is. You have friends who want to help you and need you to help them, quit being a dick and be yourself." This time, Liam was the one who hung up first. Louis continued to cry, he knew that Liam was right and that he was treating his friends badly, but he still refused to do anything about it. He must have cried himself to sleep, because when he opened his eyes again Harry was sat on the side of the bed, stroking his hair softly.

"Hey, you, how are you feeling?" Harry asked, gently leaning down to kiss Louis' forehead. Louis just shrugged in response, his hands reaching out to pull at Harry's shirt, bringing him closer so he could nuzzle into his warmth. "Li texted and said that you didn't want to spend time with Niall, and he may have been a bit harsh to you, what happened?"

"Ni rang and asked if I wanted to get lunch with him, but I said no, even though I knew he just wanted to be around people, and then Liam rang later on and accused me of being selfish, which I am but I can't help it, I just wanted to be alone," Louis explained, his tears dripping onto Harry's salmon pink shirt.

"Shh, it's okay, I'll have a word with Liam and remind him that it's not okay to say those things to you. Do you think you should have been a bit kinder to Niall?" Louis nodded, the guilt coursing through his veins. "Okay, well I know how difficult today is for you, and I wish I could have been there to make it better, and I'm so sorry I couldn't be. But how would you feel about ordering some pizza and going over to see the boys? We should all be together tonight, and honestly, Lou, I'm not taking no for an answer."

An hour later, Louis found himself standing beside Harry as they buzzed for Niall and Liam's flat. They knew Liam had the night off, he always did on a Thursday, so it wasn't a surprise when his voice was the one that they heard.

"Hi, it's Harry and Louis, can you let us up?" There was another buzz and Harry pushed the door open, holding Louis' hand as they carried the pizzas up the stairs and to the door. They went in without knocking, instantly laying eyes on the scene in front of them. Niall was sat on the sofa with a blanket as Liam tried to comfort him.

"I'm sorry," Louis admitted, passing Harry thepizza boxes and walking straight over to Niall. "I never should have pushed youaway like that, you deserved more from me than that. It's not an excuse butgetting out of bed would have made it feel real, so I thought that by stayingin the house I could make it all go away. I was wrong, though, obviously,because what I really needed was my friends. You needed that too, and myselfishness stopped you from having the help you needed. I'm so sorry, Ni,please forgive me?" Niall didn't say anything, just pulled Louis towards himand they both cried as they latched on to each other. When they felt two morepairs of arms around them, they all relaxed into the group hug, the four ofthem mourning the loss of Zayn together, just how he would have wanted.