I'm Fine

Part 2: Chapter 34

"You should've seen the way I stood up for myself today, you'd be proud," I said taking another sip.

"Or maybe you would tell me that I should've slapped her ass back," I laughed.

I sat on the grass with a bottle of Bacardi in hand, taking sips every now and then. My vision was blurred and my head cloudy from all the liquor. This was my first time coming to Dashawn's grave since he was buried.

I looked around the private cemetery at the different headstones. Some were small and some were big. I personally preferred the smaller ones. They looked nicer and didn't draw a lot of attention. I also noticed that some graves had real or fake flowers, some balloons, also little trinkets, but some held nothing but vegetation. Dashawn's grave had a grass marker headstone made out of bronze and a granite rim. It was beautiful and simplistic, but made a statement and was probably one of the more expensive ones in the vicinity. Even though his marker was well kept, it was bare of any personal items or decorations. Maybe I'll bring some flowers or something next time.

I took a deep breath to keep from crying. It's been a minute since I thought about how fucked up my life is. Being back here reminds me of that. When I'm three and a half hours away, it's like I'm in my own little sanctuary away from all the drama—just me and Royce. That's how I like it. Do I get lonely, sure, but I'd rather be lonely than constantly reminded of what I lost or being reminded of my childhood trauma. Not to mention, Royce has finally made friends and she seems to be getting comfortable at her new school. If she's happy I'm happy. But speaking of Royce.

"Not to change the subject so quickly, but I've been thinking of ways to tell your daughter about you. Her name is Imani by the way, and she has your last name of course. You'd get a kick out of her middle name though—it's Royce. Like your car," I smiled.

"I thought it was fitting since I won the bet. It didn't feel right for me to just take your car or anything that belonged to you for that matter, so I left it where you left it. I don't ever plan on taking it. Maybe Meech will sell it or something, along with your house. I don't know. I wish you would have written down what to do with them, but I guess you didn't plan on dying so soon to begin with."

The sun was starting to set so I probably had another thirty minutes before it got dark. I spent most of the time talking about my drama-filled day, but now that my time was running out, I wanted to get everything off my chest. Who knows when I'll be back to his grave again. I scooted closer to his headstone, touching the letters engraved on it. The back of my throat stung from trying so hard not to cry.

"Anyway, Imani just turned five two days ago. She went skating for the first time and she loved it. She's getting so big, yet still so small at the same time. I think she's like the shortest in her class. It's cute. But you know, kids grow and develop at different rates. Who knows, maybe next year around this time she'll be the tallest in her class. Oh, and she started preschool late since I was basically teaching her myself. But after I started my new job, which I worked my ass off to get, I had to enroll her in school. She's not behind or anything, but she most likely won't start kindergarten until just before she turns six."

"Ummm, what else," I said wiping my face.

"Imani loves animals—penguins, turtles, seals, mostly aquatic animals. But she loves dogs too. I might get her a puppy one day. I don't know. Umm, her favorite color changes weekly. This week it's blue." I sat the bottle down and held my head in my hands.

"What else," my voice cracked.

"I think she looks like you, but people say she's my twin. I think that like overall, she looks like me, but I see some resemblances to you." It was quiet as I thought for a second.