Dealing With The Marauders

Simply Stuck

Chapter 26: Simply Stuck
-bex p.o.v.-

To say it was a bit awkward was an understatement. More than awkward, I think, and not because we were uncomfortable with knowing that each of us knew the truth; no, I think it was just a strange feeling in the air because now we knew that we could trust one another. We could trust each other fully and completely without any worry. We now knew all there was to know about eachother, and that was strange to think about.

I knew Remus was a werewolf, the boys were animagus', and they went out every full moon to help Remus. They knew I had powers, prophecies, and a future that required some precautions. But that was okay. We were all okay with these things, because now we knew the extent of these secrets.

We had each other's backs now. We knew what to expect and how to handle the situations that could possibly happen. And all it took was a bit of sharing.

It was facinating how we could now relax in one another's company. We had no fear of our most precious secrets coming out. We had no fear of losing each other. We were stuck now. Stuck together forever now.

Strange how revealing a couple of secrets could bring us closer together, but it did. We all sat around in James' sitting room, laughing about nonsense and simply enjoying the company of our friends. The air was light and filled with joy. And the smells of Aunt Eleanor's cooking was drifting into the room from the kitchen down the hall. Our attitudes towards one another had eased and we were finding it easier to get along, it seemed that all of our petty arguments from the past meant nothing, and that was the best feeling in the world.

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"Sirius!" I jerked out of his reach, running towards the other end of the yard. The sound of my laughter filled the air and my heavy breathing echoed slightly.

Sirius laughed loudly, chasing after me.

As I turned to run around a tree at the far end of James' back yard, I heard James struggling to quiet his laughter. Sirius lunged at him and smirked proudly when he tagged James, who resorted to pouting.

Sirius threw his arm over my shoulder as Remus came out from his hiding spot, joining us in our half circle around James. Peter followed soon after.

"You're it, Prongs," Remus chuckled, looking down at James, who sat on the grass with his arms crossed and a pout on his lips.

"Fine," he grumbled, climbing to his feet. Leaning against the tree he had previously been hiding behind, he began to count to thirty.

We separated, going to different hiding spots across the large yard. Sirius grabbed my hand to stop me from climbing under a patch of bushes. I looked at him quizzically and he shook his head, pulling on my arm gently to gesture me towards a new place.

We ducked under the deck, squeezing through a small gap at the edge, where the lining is suppose to meet up with the house.

Sirius pulled me over to the furthest corner, hiding us in the dark. We could see through the lining, just barely making out James on the complete opposite side of the yard.

"There was poison ivy under that bush, Wormtail found out the hard way back when we were kids." Sirius murmured softly into my ear.

I shivered at the feel of his cool breath on the side of my neck. Being so close to Sirius gave me a rush, made me feel something I had never experienced before, but now, it was prominent anytime we were close. The feeling had become normal as Sirius was more physical than most people. And not in the ways you would expect, Sirius enjoyed affection, but public displays of affection were a rare feature when it came to Sirius Black. I assumed that it was because of his upbringing, touch was hardly seen unless negative and affection was almost never there. But then I also saw the way Sirius and James were. James' upbringing was far more differwnt than Sirius', love and affection were quite normal for his family.

So I kind of assumed that when Sirius and James met, Sirius must have flinched away from James' often touches, but eventually adapted and they became normal for him as well. If you merely watched the way James and Sirius interacted, you'd see physical contact at every possible moment; whether it be Sirius ruffling James' hair, or James clamping his hand on Sirius' shoulder, even the way their legs tangled when they sat too close on the crowded couch. Everything between those two showed brotherly love and it was obvious they were close.

So Sirius' normal antics when it came to physical closeness obviously played a part in our relationship. Never did he plan to kiss me in front of people (though sometimes it did just happen); in fact, Sirius never showed me true affection that would be normal for a couple in front of others. He saved that for when we were alone, and that was fine with me because it was more passionate then, more intamate. Instead, Sirius showed his affection in smaller things, like when he would throw his arm over my shoulder, or play with a stand of my hair, or let his fingers graze over my side, or even when he would humm in my ear.

That was the extent of Sirius' PDA and I actually found myself enjoying these small signs of affection. I didn't need our love shown off, and I'm glad he agreed on that aspect. Our love was ours and no one elses.

One time, I had heard the phrase, "stuck between a rock and a hard place" the speaker compared love to the rock and abandonment as the hard place. Of course the two played a role in one another, the vulnerability of sharing love and the willingness to quickly break that unspoken trust had really hit home. But if loving Sirius would always be this easy and wonderful, I would gladly be stuck between that rock and a hard place. I was willing to be stuck and I think he was too.

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It's weird being back. For a while there, I actually thought I never would be back. It's been a rough time lately and I was having some doubts on whether I should even continue writing because of what was going on in my personal life.

I think I might have been what some would call "depressed" but never did I actually classify myself as depressed. And I think that's the real mystery behind mental illnesses; who has the right to clasify you as one thing when you are so much more than a simple word.

But what really made me question the entire "depressed" thing was that I would still laugh at jokes and have a good time around friends. But then when I was alone, all of the happiness I felt evaporated and I felt dull. Like I was just passing though. Not actually living. I would wake at 3 in the morning and stare at the ceiling, because I didn't know what else to do. I felt empty and lonely and bored out of my mind with everything going on.

And it got me thinking. Was I going to let something ruin my dreams, my hopes, everything I really wanted in life? Was I going to let this hopeless feeling in my chest destroy what I wanted. And I thought about you guys. I thought about how it was unfair of me to make you guys wait on a chapter because I was feeling bad.

So I finally came to a conclusion. I love writing. I love everything about it, and it took me having to write a paper on Aristotle's Appeals in my English class to finally realize it. Maybe I should thank my English teacher for helping me get to this decision. But anyways, I finally saw that my personal problems and the emotions I feel should never destroy what I love. They should never step in the way of what I like to do and what I want to do.

So here's your chapter. And here's my word: I'm not going to let anything get in the way of me and writing. Because it's something I love and it makes me feel good. And maybe that's what I need right now.

Thank you. I hope you enjoy the chapter.