Dealing With The Marauders

This Is Goodbye

Chapter 34: This Is Goodbye
-Bex P.O.V-

After my return, James hardly allowed me to leave his eyesight. I needed to be right next to him or within ear shot. And the only time he would completely back off was when it was Sirius I was with, because Sirius was just as bad, if not worse. But there were no complaints from me, I suppose it was for the best anyways.

Nightmares ensued almost immediately and it was fair to assume I had a severe case of PTSD. Pure silence was an environment I thrived in, growing and learning when not much was going on around me.

My relationship with Sirius was questionable over the period of time it took for me to adjust and begin to heal. He tried his best, always stayed with me; though not always with me. His mind was elsewhere, it seemed. And he hardly spoke.

I believe it was in fear of startling me. And I thanked him silently for his thoughtfulness. But I could not handle it. I wanted life to be normal. I wanted Sirius to be fun and silly and my Sirius. But all he could be was quiet and calm and not Sirius. He was everything I did not want him to be and I couldn't change that.

He was trying his hardest to be what he thought I needed when all I wanted was for him to be himself. It was difficult for me to wrap my head around, his thoughtfulness shone through the entire situation; startling me and forcing me to realize exactly how much he loved me and how much I cared for him in return. Sirius had changed, and I wasn't sure if it was completely a bad thing, no matter how much I craved for the spontaneous and reckless Sirius Black.

"Sirius," I murmured one quiet morning, long before the sun made an entrance. He turned his head towards me in surprise, quirking an eyebrow at me in curiosity, though remaining silent. I waited patiently, wanting to hear his voice.

Eventually he caught on to my quiet plea. "Yes?" His voice was hoarse from under-use and raspy from sleep.

I smiled, eyes roaming his face, unsure of what to say, I remained silent, but slowly leaned towards him. He seemed to understand because he wrapped his arm around me, softly pulling me into his side and resting his cheek on the top of my head. It was early. Much to early for both myself and Sirius to be awake, yet here we were: holding each other on the living room love seat, messy hair tangling and intertwining, eyes slowly drooping closed.

We fell asleep easily that night, with no visits from the nightmares.

-

Merlin, I loved Sirius. I knew it to be true. The only problem was telling him. And it should have been easy, I know it should have been. Because everything was easy with Sirius, so why was I on edge about this one simple thought I only needed to express?

Maybe it was because if I said it out loud it would be something I couldn't take back. Something that would always be at the forefront of my mind, something that anyone could use against me. And above all, I didn't want Sirius to ever be hurt; much less, be hurt because of my actions.

But I found one morning I could no longer hold it in. He had done something small, brought me a butterbeer without asking when he had gotten up to get himself one. It was small and should have been insignificant, so it made no sense as to why my heart swelled at his thoughtfulness.

I muttered it soft and low, not even realizing I had said it until he faltered. He froze, staring at me, glass raised halfway up to his mouth.

"What?" I asked curiously, having no recollection of the words even slipping out of my mouth.

He paused, lowering his drink before a grin slipped onto his face, making him look younger than he had in weeks. "I love you too."

I gasped softly, finally realizing I had told him I loved him. Finally realizing he had said he loved me back. My eyes widened and I stared at him in shock.

He laughed, a true laugh, one full of happiness and rang clear through the room, and his eyes shone reminding me of the bright sunny day and he was grinning, soft dimples poking through his cheeks. And this was everything Sirius was.

He leaned in, laughter still ringing through the air, his lips pressed against mine and I felt more at ease now than I had in my entire life. And most of all, I realized that loving Sirius was all I ever really needed.

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Hey guys. So I've come to terms with the fact that I am now better. Much better than I have ever been. And I have healed, and I have grown, and I am shining full of light and happiness and everything I deserve to be.

I have also come to terms with the fact that I am now done with this story. Bex has been my life for years, even through the times I have been away from the story. And I think she deserves to be happy just as I am happy. And I think there is no better way to make her happy than to leave her as she is now, surrounded my family.

So with a certain sadness, it leads me to what I have to say now. I'm done with this story. I'm sorry it has not continued on as long as I would have liked, but I believe that as it is now, it is finished. It's taken me a lot to come to this conclusion, but I can no longer write this story as I had in the past and I think it deserves to be written in a way I can no longer continue.

So I leave the story as it is. And I encourage you to continue imagining how the story would have continued, because in the end, it's all about how the reader perceives it. I can't tell you how to read the story, I can only produce enough to get you started. It's up to you to finish it.

So thank you for being with me along this journey, I appreciate it immensely.

Much love xx