Dealing With The Marauders

Full Of Change

Chapter 28: Full Of Change
James: Week By Week

The first week was tough. James acted as if nothing had happened and kept living his life. Well, as much of his life as he could without admitting the truth to himself. He lived the same schedule for an entire week.

Wake up. Eat cereal for breakfast. Throw up. Sit and stare at the wall. Ignore Sirius' attempts at trying to talk. Not eat lunch. Block everyone out. Pick at his dinner. Sleep. Repeat.

It was growing worrisome for the rest, as they had no clue what to do and were also trying to cope.

James wasn't trying to ignore everyone and everything that had happened. In truth, he felt as if it was easier to pretend nothing had happened in the first place.

-

Week two came with a different stategy as the previous coping mechanism failed him.

James proved to be getting better. Or at least they thought. During the day James was happy and carefree, pushing through the day with courage and resolve pulsating through his veins. But at night, his tough exterior broke.

Bex could hear him crying himself to sleep every night. Sirius knew he was struggling to quiet himself. Remus was aware of the fact that James began to have nightmares. Peter noticed that he would mumble in his sleep, calling out to his parents.

No one mentioned it to James, but they knew. Oh, they knew. And somehow, James knew that they knew and he was thankful that no one mentioned it.

-

Week three of the first month brought on a new James. He was angry, frustrated, mad at the world. Nothing anyone did was ever good enough and nothing could make him happy.

He didn't mean to make the others tired and dejected, but he couldn't let stupid things continue. He couldn't handle silly mistakes being made. Not when there was an evil wizard out there that knew full well where they lived.

James grew angry at the slightest things, but to him, they were the biggest problems. And all things seemed to lead back to one thing. His parents.

No unlocked doors. No open gate. Leave Mum and Dad's bedroom door closed. Don't mess up the kitchen. The study is off limits. And so on.

These all became little unspoken rules. And to James, they made all of the sense in the world. To anyone else, James was being paranoid.

But did he not have a right to be paranoid? At even the slightest of things? Think to yourself, how would you react to such things happening to you?

James found relief in the regular aspects of life, he yearned for a bit of regularity. He wanted to hear his mum call out for him to wash up because dinner was almost ready. He wanted his dad to pull him aside for a father-son chat. He wanted this.

But no matter how hard he wanted it, no matter how much he ached for it, it didn't happen. And he became bitter.

-

The final week of the first month left James with making the most progress. He lost his anger at the world and developed it into an anger directed at the one who did this. He came up with the decision to follow in his father's footsteps.

He was going to make his dad proud. Charlus Potter was going to be proud of him, even if he had to die to make it possible. And that's the resolve James came up with. James was going to fight evil, stop the bad guys, protect those who needed protecting. He was going to become an Auror. Just like his dad.

-

I want to say that James Potter grew and understood the truth behind his family's murder. I want to say that James Potter overcame his grief. I want to say that James Potter died happy.

But he didn't.

James Potter, from the time that he was born, until the time that he became of age, was a well-loved child. He had a family that loved him and a future planned out.

James was happy.

The death of his parents hit hard. Something inside of him broke, it shattered and left him incomplete. That's what happens when you lose someone you love. Now double that pain and you have what James went through, you have the pain and suffering of losing your parents.

James Potter was not fixed. I doubt anything could have fixed him. No amount of love given from partners or other family members could compensate the love he was missing from the two people that mattered most in his life.

How do you go seventeen years of your life spent living in the same house as your parents; being cared for by your parents; loved by your parents; and then it is suddenly gone. Moving out, as many young adults do, was worth most of the pain he had been suffering. Because when you move out, you can still call them, can still talk to them, visit them, see them.

James could do none of these things. All he was left with were two tomb stones, their property, and all of their belongings. What love could he extract from these possessions? How were these things going to provide him with love like his parents could?

How could he expect these stupid things to equal the same as his parents did, just as everyone else expected him to? He couldn't. It was as simple as that.

And he didn't understand why people wanted him to adapt to this new way of living so fast? Couldn't he get a break? Didn't he deserve a break?

James decided he would be happy once this was all over. Only in the end would he be ready to move on; only when he knew his parents were avenged.

But James never got that. No, instead James died bitter and in the middle of his grievance. But do you really blame him? I don't.

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This is a new way of writing for me, but i like it. I think it works for the things i have to write about currently. I like the fact that it has room for author opinion while still telling the story. Very unique.

Anyways, i hope you guys liked it, sorry it has been a while, but i get out of school in three days! So ready for summer!

But yeah. Comment, vote, share, fan, follow, blah, blah, blah. Thanks loads.

Much love.