I miss when love used to feel so clean.
All the glistening shards of glass below the beautiful, infatuated beings.
Little did we know how deep those broken pieces cut when you fall so helplessly.
Oh, how harmless you used to seem.
Tunnel vision lovesick eyes, it's all gotten so blurry.
And I try to spot the difference, whether you're destroying me or saving me, I never know.
What a mess I can be, I wish you saw the stains on my skin, my lifeless eyes in reflections, and every "I should've been up by now", like I do.
Because oh honey, this isn't all about you, that's not all my focus is on, it's not you and your cock and wondering if you still love me.
I don't sit in my bed with a cute pajama set on like an innocent naive little girl with fuck me eyes and write pages and pages in my journal about everything you said today that made me feel something.
Oh, honey, you aren't my only sorrow, my only tragedy, you are just a very confusing one, one that makes my head spin.
Because how tragic it would be to not call you mine, my sweet boy.
You aren't malicious, trust me I know that.
I know you didn't set out to turn us weak, neither did I, I'm no more malice than you.
I know that it was so exciting and electrifying, it was like the leaves changed colors just to show us how beautiful we had become.
I know it felt like floating in honey dew and rose petals, I know, I know, I know, we were such a sight to see.
Yes, I know, I felt it darling.
So please, oh god please, I still love you the way I did when love used to feel so clean, we might have to purge all the bitter realities we came to face when the leaves rotted into the ground turning to dirt.
We might have to break each other's walls down again and get more comfortable, because I think things have gotten a little too sour and complicated, a little too counterfeit.
We need to stop this, it's not worth the loss of heavy growing heartbeats and tracing each other skin.
It's not worth loosing dead of night ponderous words and all our happy endings.
And the feeling of safe, the feeling of home, I can't lose my home.
Darling, I want you to love me the way the sun loves the earth until it swallows it whole.
