I'm honestly not sure I've ever been in love, I've grown infatuated sure and I've felt strongly but it's always been fantasies and daydreaming, never long lasting.
And yeah the hurt was real, the disappointment shaped me and I've learned a lot from breaking.
But I don't think I've ever truly been in love.
Because I've felt love and it's never been pretty, it's never been so simple and puppy dog like, it's raw and complicated and it's seeing the person for what they are but caring for every flaw.
And I don't think I've ever been truly loved, never had someone stick by me, learn who I truly am and find interest in it.
It's always been shallow from boredom and my devotion was always taken for granted, I've always just been entertainment.
I've never felt understood and taken care of, I've never had a safe place to go, always without a home.
And I'm always pushed to the side when things get too complicated and intensified, no one has time to keep me in their lives.
They just take what they please then they leave, and it's my fault that I provided everything they need, thinking maybe they'd do the same for me and I'd be what they keep.
But that's okay, because I hope when it's the right time, I'll come home and it'll be easy to continue on.
