TWIN [박종성]

51

Tw//suicide,self harm
_

Jay

"It's me,I'm him. Mr. Star"

She looked surprised by what I said to her,but this time I won't run away anymore,I won't hide it anymore. I will tell her everything. There should be no secret between us.

"You must be joking right?"

"No. I'm not"

I tried to walk towards her. She must be shocked.

"No! Don't come here!"She warned me.

"I'm so confused right now."She looked at me with her confused face.

"Stop fooling around Jay. This building should looks old and abandoned but why it looks new and bright?"

"Because I bought it"

She widened her eyes. "What do you mean,you bought it?"

"Because this is the only place that I've good memories with you. So,I bought it."

"So,no one can disturb this place"

She suddenly ran towards me and hit my chest. "Are you crazy?"

"Yeah,I'm crazy because of you"I smiled at her.

Her eyes filled with tears. "So,you already knew me from the start?"

I nodded.

"Then,why you pretend you didn't know me? Why you were so cold back then?"

"Fuck,you knew me when I was fat and ugly too. You knew,that I always came here whenever I got bullied and came here to vent"

"What else did you hide from me,Jay?"

"Nothing"I replied shortly. I didn't expect she would be like this.

"I hate you"She was about to leave me but I took her hand and pulled her back.

"I will tell you everything"
_

4 years ago

I always went to this place because nobody wanted to go to this kind of place. It's old and full of weird people. What a good place for people like me.

I admitted that people doesn't want to befriend with me because I looked like a bad person. No,I literally a bad person.

I always picked a fight with people whenever I'm stressed out,I drank and smoke too.

"You're too young for this"

"You will die if you keep doing this"

They said to me,hoping that I will change myself to be better.

Why I did this? I don't know it too...

I just lost hope to live. Each day,it makes me tired and suffocated.

But I have a twin. He was the reason why I needed to stay alive and he was the reason why I wanted to die in the first place too.

I needed to take care of him all day and night,I gave up with my dreams because he was my priority. I needed to make sure he got what he needed and what he wanted first.

I put him first before me.

And absent parents aren't easy too.

I'm not just his twin but I'm his parents too.

He's such a burden to me. Why he didn't die in the first place?

Yes,he should die because he has a heart disease. That's why I needed to take care of him.