"Little girl got the gun now"

The silence and guilt

⚠️ TWSlight mentions of blood TW⚠️
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*Week before mission* Steve's s POV:
I don't know what it is but lately I've noticed that Mara had been.... Moody? She's talking like a smart-ass and always has an attitude and is cooped up in her room not daring to come out unless she's hungry, thirsty, or needs to use the restroom. I'm giving her space since I don't know what to do, I'm not her father so it's not really my place to discipline or "invade" her privacy like that, and the thing is she's not talking, at all, sometimes she is but barely. Usually a 'yes' or 'no' sometimes just a answer or a one word request. And If she's not speaking it's either a head nod or a hum.
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Mara's POV:
I don't feel like myself. I'm scared. Im scared of speaking, as if once I speak I'll kill the people around me. I'm scared that this mission might go wrong. I'm scared I'll end up back in that rusted cell that's possibly waiting. I'm afraid of seeing the blood and hearing the sounds I can't forget about. If I see Him it won't end well. He's a trigger. After 2 years in a Hydra base and not seeing Him during those years I was numb. But then He just stepped in the door and blood was shed..... I don't understand anymore. why me. Why the screaming, the pain, the flashes, the nightmares, why....

Will the mission go wrong?...

I used my powers during training and I think I went to far... it was a accident I didn't mean to hurt Jamie. We where sparing and she came at me from my side using a portal and her hand grazed my shoulder and Next thing I saw was Him. Next thing I heard was a scream and saw Jamie on the ground further away she had blood coming from her nose, ears, and eyes. "Fuck me..." I said under my breath I helped her up as Steve and Nat came over to see what the commotion was about and I heard Steve say "What the hell happened" I didn't speak up. I couldn't,if I did I would've been the monster I am. They would be afraid of me I didn't speak, I just kept quiet. "I-I don't know" Jamie said while examining the blood on her fingers, "My eyes and ears sting, nose too but it's not that bad"  said Jamie while closing her eyes in attempt to soothe the pain. "Let's take you to Bruce" Nat said while helping Jamie walk to The infirmary. "Hey.... You okay?" Steve said after a moment of silence, I looked up and quietly said "yea" and walked pass him before any more questions could be asked. I went to my room after cleaning myself up. I  locked my door and sat against my bed then turned on the TV. I flipped through Chanels quickly and eagerly, not even trying to look for a show I knew. I then just turned the TV off after giving up and sat against my bed in the silence.

The silence .....
                                           The silence is......
Overwhelming......
                                     Guilty......

                      This Silence is Loud.

The silence is loud, as if it was night and the monster under the bed could hear my thoughts and was ever so quickly consuming any joy or light I had left. The monster was consuming me. And leaving me with nothing but my fear and sorrow. The monster was making me weaker by the second..... and it was working