Forbidden Love

54

Jaxon

Lunch rolls around and Julia takes a seat to the left of me. I avoided her all morning, and she didn't try to talk. But from her smile I can tell that's changed.

"Hey!" She squeals. "Hoco is so close, I can almost taste it."

Homecoming. I've been avoiding it almost as much as I've been avoiding her. I never wanted to go, but Luna made me rethink my decision. Looks like I'm not going again.

"You're going, right?" She asks me as she picks up an apple from her tray. I shake my head and adjust my uniform tie. "But you have to. We told you, it's tradition. I can get all of us a limo and we can meet at—"

"Stop," I look her in the eyes. "Just stop."

She taps her fingers on the counter—her nervous tick—and she looks ready to burst out in tears. I hope she doesn't. I can't handle Julia crying in the middle of the lunchroom. "Jaxon," She starts. Her voice breaks and she looks down. "I'm sorry. I got a little carried away yesterday, but it's just that Luna always brings out the worst in me. She hates me for no reason."

"She has good reason now," I mutter.

Julia sighs. "I really am sorry. I feel so awful, I can't get over it. If I could take it back, I would."

"Why'd you do it? Why did Luna and I bother you so much that you had to go and ruin it?" I don't care that I'm speaking harshly. "What could've possibly been going through your mind?"

I'm met with a shrug. "You're my...you're my Jaxon. I finally got you back and then it felt like I was losing you all over again. You came back, and I thought everything would go back to normal, but...but then you started hanging out with Luna and you were never around. And when you were, you were too distracted to talk to anyone. Just...I'll fix this thing with Luna if you want me to. Just...just don't leave again. I'll fix it, I swear."

My eyebrows knit together. "Leave again?"

"To Canada." She sniffs. "You left without a goodbye, what's to say you won't do it again?"

I can hear the heartbreak in her voice, and it makes my stomach clench, but through that heartbreak is a little bit of anger. Anger she hasn't released.

"You were my best friend. You helped me through..." She doesn't need to finish the sentence. I know what she's talking about. "I loved you and you left without a second glance back. I got...what? One text a month telling me you were alive. And then you just show up again without mentioning it to anyone? I understand you needed to leave, but you did it in the most selfish way possible. I know your selfishness doesn't cancel out mine, but the whole situation sucked. You were supposed to be the one person in my life that understood me. You were supposed to be there. You were supposed to stay. But you left. And when you came back...I felt like I had to hold on to you before you slipped away again. But I realize that's not an excuse. I'm sorry, Jaxon. I really am. I know how much you liked her."

Guilt swarms me. I hadn't ever felt guilty about leaving to Canada. I was only supposed to be there for a week anyway. The week turned into a month, which turned into finishing my junior year there, which turned into the summer. I needed to be with family. Not my parents. Allison was the closest thing to Connor I could get. She even has his smile. Once I was with her, I didn't want to leave. She became my sister in a way. I hadn't even given a single thought to how it would affect Julia or anyone else for that matter. I was being selfish. I was so bitter and angry at the world, at this town, for taking away my big brother that I didn't care who got hurt in the process. That wasn't fair for anyone, myself included.

"I'm sorry for leaving without a goodbye," I finally tell Julia. It seems a little late for it. "I do love you. And Paxton. And everyone else. You are my best friend and I shouldn't have done that to you."

"Just—promise to tell me if you decide to leave again."

"I promise you. But I'm not going anywhere anytime soon."

She looks at me for a second, wipes her tears away, and when she lifts her head, a bright smile plasters on her lips. I don't know if it's real or not. But she's trying.

"Does this mean you forgive me for what I did yesterday?"

If she can forgive me for being selfish, I can forgive her for being selfish too.

This whole Luna thing is my fault anyway.

She knows you, Jaxon. Better than I ever will.

I knew what she meant the second it came out of her mouth. She told me once that she felt I knew everything about her, but she didn't know anything about me. Every time she tried to dig, I would push it away. Distract myself. I didn't want to relive the pain again. I couldn't bare it.

Luna was never going to stay with me because I couldn't open up to her. I couldn't fully give myself to her. And Luna's not a half type of person. When she does something, she gives it her all. So, in the end, it wasn't Julia that pushed Luna away. I did that myself.

"Yeah. I forgive you. I always do." I finally answer Julia.

She throws her arms around me and instead of coughing at the scent of coconuts, I've come to enjoy it. It's a piece of home. My real home. In California. In Rose Thorn Heights.

I pause. Home.

That's the feeling I get whenever I'm with Luna.

She feels like home.