Forbidden Love

55

Luna

"Are you kidding me?" I look at the hoodie like it's the most disgusting thing in the world. "I don't want this."

I had asked Mason to do one thing. Give Jaxon his stupid hoodie back.

Simple.

Well, here we are, Mason shoving it in my hand.

"I don't actually care," He straightens his blazer.

"I want you to go to Jaxon and tell him I don't want anything to do with him or his clothes."

He only rolls his eyes at my tone. "I'm not a parrot."

"That's not what I—"

"Leave me out of your relationship drama."

Wow. Last time I ask him for a favor.

"I don't know what my sister sees in you." I mutter under my breath and stomp away.

Jaxon Gray, I scoff his name, shoving the hoodie in my bag. Bothering me even when I cut you off. I bet you have a smug little look on your stupid face right now. Oh, how I wish I could punch it.

"What did you want with Mason VanDoren?"

My neck almost dislodges from my shoulder as I whip my head to the left. Corey stands there staring at me with folded arms.

"Now you talk to me?" I know I should be more grateful he is, but I'm in a bad mood. Stupid Jaxon. It's all his fault. I saw him hugging Julia at lunch. Looks like they made up. Whereas I have this stupid reminder currently weighing down my bag again.

Corey falls into step beside me, but he doesn't say a word.

"Hello?"

Still nothing.

"Ignoring me again? Real mature."

"One of us has to be."

My anger boils and it gets hotter and hotter. When we get to the car, and I slide in the passenger side I can't stop myself from exploding.

"It's your fault, you know?"

He looks at me. "You had a secret relationship with Gray for weeks, snuck him in our house, spent the night with him, and lied to me—lied to everyone. But tell me again how it's all my fault."

"I may be mad at Jaxon right now, but at least he treated me like an actual person. I swear you don't think I'm capable of handling anything. Even when Julia told you about what happened, you looked at JJ not at me. You think she's so mature, but one glance at me, you're like 'oh, no. Luna could never handle herself. She doesn't know the first thing about guys or about life in general.' It's irritating!"

He stares at me for a minute and then turns to the road. "I looked at JJ because I didn't think you of all people would be the one to betray me like that."

My anger disappears and shame fills my belly. "I didn't do it to betray you, Cor. I really tried not to, but I actually fell in love with the idiot. I regret it enough as it is. There's no need to add on all this...guilt. I already know there's nothing I can do to fix it." My heart breaks even more when I realize what I said. Fell in love. Plain and simple. I fell in love with Jaxon Gray.

The boy who saved me as much as he hurt me.

I'm doomed

"As long as you know that," he says as JJ and Joseph pull open the back doors.

Corey doesn't talk to me for the rest of the day. Neither do the rest of my siblings. Everyone's still not talking to one another. It's awkward and stiff and I absolutely despise it. I hate myself for doing this. I should've known better. I should've been smarter.

When I head in to be with Mom, I lay down next to her instead of sitting on the chair and reading. I haven't been around much lately, and I've missed her so badly. She hasn't been getting up recently and she's barely been awake. It's been getting worse and worse. Before the nurse left, I had asked her if Mom's getting any better. She only gave me a sad smile and a shake of her head.

I let the smell of her engulf me as I take her hand in mine as we lay side by side. "I could really use a good mother-daughter talk right now." I whisper. "I need your advice. Everything sucks. I think I fell in love with the wrong person. Have you ever done that?" Dad comes to mind. "Nevermind. You picked a good one. I wish you could give me some of your luck."

I think of all my siblings' love lives. Corey and Joseph are pretty socially inept. JJ is failing miserably trying to get Mason. And I...well, we all know my love problems.

"Part of me thinks you took all of our luck. I don't think any of us mind though. You can have it as long as you pull through for us. I know you can do it." I imagine twenty years from now if I was in her position, lying in bed, unable to go anywhere myself. "It's okay if you go. I don't want you to feel like you have to stay and protect us. We have each other's back. Even now when it feels like we don't. I know we still do. You'll be okay. You'll get to see Connor. Wouldn't that be nice?"

I've thought about this so much for the past couple of weeks. I'm finally coming to terms with my mom leaving us. Of course, I don't want her to, but it's inevitable. It'll hurt for a while, but I'd much rather my mom be at peace than in pain. The loss of Connor grabbed this town by the throat and shook it up. My anger at Jaxon doesn't change the fact that I've seen the way he's able to go through life. If he's strong enough to go through that pain, I can do the same.

Her breathing turns shallow and then my heart almost lurches from my chest when I don't hear it anymore. Kind of hypocritical of me after telling her I'll be okay, but we can't win every battle with our minds, can we? My eyes pop open, but her chest rises and falls in silence. I sigh and kiss her forehead.

"I love you, Mommy. So much." A few seconds passes and I whisper, "And I miss you..."

Some nights when I come down to get a drink of water, I hear Dad talking to Mom. I usually sit at the door and listen in. He tells her about his day, he laughs about a joke a worker told him, he brings up their past, he mentions how much he loves her. Sometimes he cries and begs her to come back to him. Other times he prays to God that she's not in pain.

"Talk to me once more," I had heard him say one day. "Once more. That's all I ask. I want to hear you tell me you love me. I want to hear you say my name."

A few years ago, Dad told me how he was never man enough to ask Mom out on a date. His friend had to do it for him. He told me that he regretted it now. He wished he didn't take for granted all those years he could've been with her.

Lying next to my mom now, I wonder if I'll ever find a love like that. A love that lasts forever. A love that—despite the pain—stays true.

You already did.

I push the thought away and drift off to sleep, my hand still griping Mom's like she'll leave me at any given moment. Just as I'm about to fade into the beauty of dreams, I feel her squeeze back. It's probably a muscle spasm but I let myself believe it's a sign, like it's her telling me that everything will work itself out.

I pray she's right.