Rose, Not Rosie (A One Direction Fan Fiction)

Chapter 15: What I've Done

I catch a glimpse of Niall as I run down the hallway. My shoes pound on the hard floors, the only sound filling the hallway. "Please tell me that Rose is going to be okay." I beg him.

He looks up at me momentarily and opens his mouth, as if he's about to say 'Yes, she will,' but then his head falls. I can feel my heart sink in my chest. Words cannot even begin to explain the remorse I'm feeling at the moment. My chest feels like an empty, infinite chasm and my stomach is knotted up. Tears prick at my eyes and I furiously wipe them away. Images of Rose and the adoption are on replay in my head.

Liam and Zayn walk out of a room with the same look of discouragement on both of their faces.

All three of them exchange glances before Liam begins to speak, "They're not sure what's wrong with her. They've tried everything to make her heartbeat steady, but nothing's... nothing's working." He sighs and hides his face in his hands.

Why was I so stupid? If I had just lied that once this would never have happened.

I've never had a problem lying and I'll be the first to admit that I've lied to people's faces before. So why couldn't I even perform such a simple task like writing that I genuinely wanted a little sister? It's not like I don't want her now. She's grown on me like a barnacle and I could never have the heart to turn her away. If she ever does get up I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to her, if she could forgive me. Part of me knows that will probably never happen, that she'll hate me forever because she trusted me and I lied.

I look up and take in the boys' faces in front of me, each one reflecting a sadness that looks like it has consumed them. And it's all because of me.

My mind can't escape this guilt. Every corner I turn, I seem to run into another reason for me to feel bad about what I've done. Like a head-on collision giving me full impact. Everything around me seems to cave in. All the walls creep towards me and the couch appears to be closer than they were just a minute ago. I sit on the floor as I suddenly get very dizzy. "All my fault," I manage to mumble right before I black out.

******

My head snaps up and I'm struggling to breathe when I wake up. My t-shirt is sticking to my skin. Whatever I was dreaming about just a second ago it wasn't pleasant. My chest heaves for a few more seconds before I can get myself under control. I squint at the darkness of the room, trying to find a light.

"You're up." Louis states from his seat in the corner. I must jump five feet in the air.

"Jesus, Lou! Don't do that!" I exclaim, my heart pounding in my chest once again.

He snickers, "Sorry, Harry."

"How long was I out?" I ask.

I can hear him stand up and he flicks a lightswitch on. My eyes are blinded momentarily before they adjust. He shrugs, "A few hours I think."

"And Rose?"

He doesn't say anything for a moment, taking a seat on the window sill to my left. He stares absentmindedly out the window and I think I see a single tear roll down his cheek, but I'm not positive about that. "Louis?" I prod, worried about him.

He takes a deep breath and says, "Nothing new. She's still in a coma."

"You don't blame yourself, do you?"

He shrugs, his blue eyes still glued to the window.

"Talk to me then!" I plead. Impatience starts to boil through my veins and I begin to crack.

"Ever since you said all that stuff to me in the forest yesterday I've been doing a lot of thinking..." He trails off.

"And?"

"And you were right. This is all my fault. I knew what was on those papers and I sent her looking for them." I can hear his tears as his voice strains to keep even. The impatience and frustration I was feeling a moment earlier suddenly seems unsympathetic. My mouth forms a frown, Great. Now I'm just a major arse who has no feelings for anyone. Might as well just quit the band and go into hiding for the next forever. He sniffles and I reach onto the table and toss him a box of tissues.

"Thanks." He mumbles before blowing his nose.

"Hey Louis?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean any of those things. I just- I got so angry at myself and you happened to be the one right there when I blew up. It was like everything I was trying to push away from myself kept popping up as a reminder that I'm the one to blame for this whole mess. And-And I couldn't take it anymore. I'm really sorry."

My words hang in the air during the silence that follows. His face is scrunched up in thought as if he can't figure out whether to yell at me or tell me something completely irrelevant to change the topic of conversation.

He finally says, "You need to start actually talking to us. You know we won't hate you forever if you say something that upsets any one of us, right? Hell, I'm not even mad at you right now. We all need you right now, especially Rose, okay? So please don't shut out your emotions like that anymore."

I feel one of my eyebrows raise, "Since when did you become Doctor Phil?"

"Since my best mate became a maniac." He chuckles.

"Hate to break it to ya, but I've always been this way." I say, joining in with his laughter. Not that fake laughter that I've been using for the past couple of weeks to get by, but real genuine laughter. The kind that will give you a six pack if you keep at it long enough. And the great thing is that I know that no matter what happens from now on at least I'll always have one goofball to turn to for a smile.

When we finally calm down Louis stand up and says something about getting the others before leaving the room. I take this as a signal to go find Rose's room and talk to her, even though she's barely alive.

I wander through the corridor and sneak my way past a couple of doctors. When I get to the spot where I first met Niall earlier today I open the door directly next to me. I hope this is the right room and not some random person's because that would be very awkward.

The door is silent and I slip into the room undetected. The only thing I can hear, other than my heart pounding in my chest, is the breathing machines that he or she is hooked up to.

I flip the light switch on my right up and much to my relief Rose is the one in front of me. She looks peaceful and innocent as she sleeps and she doesn't look at all like she's dying. Take away the machines she's hooked up to and it looks like Rose is just at home after a long day with the boys and I.

I slowly make my way over to her and sit in the only chair beside the bed. I grab her tiny hand and wrap it in mine. I whisper my apology to her, "If you can hear me right now, I'm really sorry... I miss you so much and the boys do too. We all know you'll pull through-" I squeeze her hand, "-and the boys can't wait to start cracking jokes again. All I'm asking is that you wake up and that you come back to me, to us. I need you back, Rose.

I can't stand not seeing your devilish grin that looks like a mirror image of Louis' when you're both up to no good. And I miss your hugs because you really give the best hugs. They're even better than Niall's, but don't let him know I told you that. And most of all I miss you. I know that's a very general statement, but I really do. I miss seeing your happy and bubbly face bright and early every single morning. And watching you stand your ground against every one of the boys even though you're shorter than them. Your personality is amazing and you really make an impact on everyone you meet, myself included. If you could ever forgive me I won't ever forget to tell you all of that everyday. I miss my little sister, so Rose Styles could you please come back to me?"

I look up at the ceiling in an attempt to hold back my tears which threaten to fall down. I feel Rose's fingers roughly pull away from my hand.

My mouth drops open and I watch her menacing hazel eyes stare me down right before she tries to lunge forward at me, struggling against the machines she's hooked up to.