Another way (Young Royals)

The lunch

We sat in our usual spot in the restaurant. We sat there every year. Simon was the new addition and I hoped he was there to stay. That he would sit there next to me and hold my cold hands under the table. That his beautiful eyes would meet mine. That he would sit in that restaurant year after year on the winter break.

"What are you having, boys?" my mom asked us. We were still looking down at the menus.

"I don't know. Do you recommend anything, Wille?" Simon said and looked at me. His eyes saw through me. It felt like he was staring into my soul when he looked at me like that.

"The meatballs are really good here actually," I replied. I just said something. The first thing that came to mind. His grin said everything I needed to know. I was blushing. Erik grinned too.

"Wille, since when do they serve meatballs here?" Erik asked. I did not know why I was suddenly nervous. Simon could make the butterflies go wild in my belly. He had done so before. But I felt safe with him. Safer than most people.

"I must have thought of a different restaurant or something," I replied to my brother. Both Erik and Simon were laughing. I let myself join them. Mom let herself smile a little. Dad grinned.

"Sure you did," mom said. "They have very good steak here though, if you have a hard time deciding Simon." He smiled politely.

"Well I might try that then," he said. We ordered from a waitress that looked down on her writing pad, to occasionally look at us. I was used to people looking at me, but it felt different. Her eyes were not focused on me or Erik, as it usually was. Her eyes went straight to Simon. I had seen that gaze many times before. She thought that he was cute. No questions about it. She left to get our drink order ready.

"She thinks that you are cute," I whispered in his ear.

"Who?" Simon asked me.

"The waitress," I replied. Simon grinned and shook his head.

"No way," he said out loud. We both giggled.

"Well what are you two whispering about?" Erik asked.

"Wille says that the waitress thinks that I am cute," Simon told him.

"Oh definitely. She was checking you out. No doubt," Erik said.

"But I am 100% gay," he replied.

"We know. But she does not, does she?" Erik said.

"Well that is not impossible," he replied and looked at me. I knew he was thinking of our video. Mom looked at us with those eyes that told us it was enough. We quieted down and changed the topic of our conversation until the food was served. When it did, we were all hungry and ate in silence. I saw that mom looked behind us, a bit anxiously. It made me nervous too.

"What is the matter, mom?" I asked her at last, when she had been turning over for a while.

"I think we have someone taking pictures of us," she said quietly. She did not appreciate when people disrupted our family vacations. When we could not feel free even when we were in our family bubble. And we had been sitting there talking about Simon being gay. And I held his hand under the table. Even if we were open at school, we were not open publicly yet. And we wanted it to be that way. At least as long as we were in high school. Neither of us felt ready to tell the world yet. One day I would, because I was proud of what we had. But right now I did not want headlines about my love life and I wanted to protect Simon for as long as possible. I already feared what he might have to go through because of me. I had feared to have relationships at all because of the media's interest in my family. Even if Erik was crown prince and had it worse than me, my relationships would not go unnoticed. People would always have opinions about who I was seeing. I had wondered if anyone would put up with that. If anyone could love me for who I was. I had feared that I would never find love. And that if I ever did, that they would be scared away by the thought of never having real privacy again. "Excuse me. I will tell them to go away and to delete any photos they have taken." Mom used her napkin to dry her mouth and stood up and walked up to a man dressed in grey. I had not even noticed him before mom had said anything. He was accompanied by a woman. I realised I had seen her before. She worked for some media company. I sighed. Mom spoke to them and they left, but without deleting the photos. They did not care that she asked them to delete it. They could sell the pictures to some tabloid. That it invaded our personal space did not matter to them, as usual. I wondered what they would have thought if some unknown media person took pictures of them and their family when they were out to lunch. I guessed they would not have liked it. I certainly didn't. But they had never seen the world through my eyes, so they did not understand. I had lived it for sixteen years, and no matter what I did I could not escape that.

"Wille, are you okay?" Simon asked me. I nodded a little.

"It's fine," I said. "Do you want to go to the hotel room though?" I whispered so that no one else in the restaurant would hear. He nodded.

"I have waited for that hot chocolate you promised me earlier," he said. Before we stood up I let go of his hand and all the way to the hotel room I longed for him. His touch.

**********

When we got to our hotel room we put our outer garments in the wardrobe and then I pulled him towards the bed. His cheeks and nose were red from the cold. His skin was still cold, but I would warm him up.

"Come here and cuddle with me darling," I said. He grinned.

"I am on my way, baby," he replied. "You are always so eager. I won't run away from you. I promise." I sat down against the headboard and he climbed up on me. His hands felt cold against my skin as they travelled in under my shirt. I tensed up a little bit by it, but pulled him even closer.

"That's because you are so beautiful," I replied before our lips met.

"So you are like that waitress you said thinks I am cute?" he teased.

"Well the difference is that I actually get to kiss you," I teased back.

"She didn't actually think I was cute. You just wanted to tease me. Admit it," he said. I caressed his cheek with my fingers.

"Yes she did. I recognize that gaze she gave you anywhere," I said.

"What gaze?" he asked and laughed. He thought that I was being silly.

"Everywhere Erik and I go, there are especially girls who look at us a certain way. Probably just because we are prince's of Sweden. And she gave you that look," I explained. "And I can't say I blame her. You are the prettiest person I have ever seen." Simon just grinned.

"It didn't cross your mind that she thought you were cute, but was too shy to look at you?" he replied. I shook my head.

"It was as if I was not there, baby. And people usually can't keep their eyes away even if I would have liked it if they did," I said.

"Either way I am very gay," Simon said. "And I only have eyes for you. I hope that is okay." I nodded. Felt warm inside. I kissed him again and let my hands travel down his torso, down to the hem of his shirt. My hands went in under his shirt and I slowly began undressing him.

"It is okay with me," I said and pulled the shirt over his head. He pulled the duvet over us and began undressing me too. We kissed each other and little by little we warmed each other up under the covers in the bed. Tangled our bodies into each other until we barely knew who was who anymore. Until we were one with each other. Like one being beating with two hearts. His lips warmed the skin on my neck. The heat travelled inside me until it was in my whole body. At last it felt like I was on fire. That we both were. I could lay there in his arms forever and never be bored of it. I wanted to breath in his scent deep into my lungs. Feel his skin warm up against mine. And I wanted it forever. I wanted him forever. 

Author's note

Happy new year everyone! I hope all of you have a good year ahead of you and that you maybe make some dreams come true, find new opportunities and that you all spend time with those you love. I am myself working on making dreams that I have had for a long time come true. In one and a half years I am a lawyer and if my fourteen year old self knew that she would have been so proud. I made what she probably thought was impossible. And you all can do the same. You can make those dreams that seem impossible into reality. They might just take more time. All the love,

- A.A.