Another way (Young Royals)

The emergency room

My heart was racing in my chest. I felt dizzy, even if I was sitting down. And I had this feeling of fear in my body. It would not go away. It felt like I was going to die. It had felt like that since the body guards had taken me. I was safe now. I knew that. Simon held me and his mother drove towards Bjärstad. Home. Away from the palace. But still it felt like I would die. Like I had a heart attack. All of this went on in my head while I felt Simon's hands gently rubbing my chest and holding my hand.

"It feels like I am going to die," I said. I almost had not realised I had said it out loud before I did. Simon stopped and just looked at me, probably questioning if he heard me correctly.

"You are not going to die baby. Not on my watch," Simon replied. He held me tightly. Like he was scared I actually might die. "Mom, I think we should go to the emergency room. I think Wille might need a check up." It felt like I was not there anymore. Like I disappeared. Like Simon's voice was far away, even though he was right there. I could still feel his warm body against mine, but I could no longer see or hear him. Not like when I was mentally really there. It scared me. Was I going insane? Maybe. Probably. I did not know anything anymore. I only knew I had lost whatever control I thought I had. Truth was I was not in control. Not over anything. Not over myself or my life. Whenever my mother could come and try to force me back into a life I did not want. And I hated it. The thought of being forced back into that made me feel sick. I never wanted to go back there. Not ever. But until I was eighteen I was not my own. It was like my parents owned me. Like I was just another possession of theirs. That was basically what I was to them. That was how I had been treated my whole life. They directed every part of my life. Or well, at least they tried. I had always fought back. When they tried to make me attend Hillerska, I had fought for the right to choose my own school. They ended up getting their way at last, as always. They disliked my link to Simon and tried to keep us apart. When that did not work they tried to make Simon one of them. But he would never be a royal. And I loved him for that. He was real. True to himself. He would not change for anyone else. It felt like I was a burden to him. He had his really important meeting today. And here I was, stealing his attention from what could be his future. If I had just been a normal teenager this would never have happened. I just spiralled inside my own head until I did not know where I was or who I was anymore. I could not think. And I was scared. So scared. If they took me to the emergency room, would they take Simon away from me again? I could not lose him. Not again. He was the constant in my life. The person who protected me. Loved me. The person who was there no matter what. The only one I trusted blindly.

"We are at the emergency room now sweetheart," I suddenly heard Simon's voice say. It was clear. Like I had woken up from a bad dream and was now awake. But I was never asleep. At least I did not think I had been. I did not know anymore. I felt Simon lead me out of the car. His steady arm around my waist as he guided me inside. I could not focus on anything else than him. My vision had been corrupted and I could not even see more than two metres in front of me. It was blurry. Simon was the one in focus. His calming voice went through my head. Before I knew it I was sitting in a room with sterile white walls. Simon was sitting next to me on the hospital bed, embracing me. We were probably waiting for a doctor to come. I hated hospitals. It felt like everyone was looking at me. Judging me for not being okay. Maybe they did not, but I had always felt it that way.

"Everything will be okay, okay?" Simon whispered in my ear. Then he let his lips warm the skin on my neck. A tear rolled down my cheek when he said that. I hoped he was right.

*********

Simon sat on the bedside when I woke up. It was the bedside of his own bed. We were finally home. My body felt heavy, like there was lead in my veins. I was so tired. Exhausted by what had happened. The fear I had felt when they took me. The fear I felt when it felt like I disappeared. When it felt like I was about to die. The medic had told me I had a panic disorder. She had recommended that I go to therapy. I had never done so. Simon had. He had thought it was a good idea. Maybe it was.

"Good morning, darling," he said with a little smile on his lips. He leaned down and kissed my lips.

"Good morning, baby," I replied. I took his hand in mine and pulled him towards me. He giggled. Then he lied down next to me. We were tangled into each other in no time. I felt his fingers feel through my hair. One hand on my waist. I was just in my boxers. I inhaled his scent deep into my lungs. It was sweet. Safe. A scent I could not live without. Because it belonged to him.

"You are so pretty," I said. That made him chuckle. He opened his eyes. They were wide awake. I could imagine mine were still tired. Because I was.

"So are you, Wille," he said. Our foreheads were against each other. Our noses touched. And our lips were just millimetres apart. That was until I closed the little gap completely. He had already brushed his teeth that morning. I could taste a little bit of toothpaste. "Your morning breath is awful." That made me laugh. He grinned big.

"But you still kiss me, huh?" I replied teasingly. He kissed me again. We smiled at each other.

"Well I can't resist you, can I?" he said back.

"Apparently not," I replied. We smiled at each other. Just his smile could make me want to smile too. It made me feel warm inside when he smiled. It was the most beautiful smile in the universe, I was pretty sure.

Author's note

Here comes a little angsty chapter. I have an exam tomorrow that I have been pretty nervous about, so that is probably an explination to why I write Wilhelm pretty angsty this chapter. I hope you like it anyways. I hope you all are doing well!

- A.A.