GAP 2: ROAD TO FOREVER

CHAPTER 23 : HER CHOICE

Sam hurriedly stared at me, forcing me to look at her.

S: Mon. Why are u asking me that?
M: you left me once for her so I am curious if you'll do that again if she asks.

(I tried to ask this as plainly as I could but Sam u have no idea how i'm dreading your answer!
I was hiding my hand from her view. I could feel my nails dip into my palm.
I didn't have nails in the first place. I always kept it neat for Sam but at this moment i'm feeling it buried so deep that any minute now it'll probably bleed.
My hand has gone white from me squeezing it so I had to hide it even more.

Sam's silence was keeping me in the edge! This is why i didn't want to ask! Why did u have to ask Mon? Why is it that u like torturing yourself so much!
But i can't help it! Sam gave me hope and I had to take it! I'll do all that I can to stay by her side.

I am praying for a miracle!
Sam pls even if its just this once i'm begging you... can u please choose me? I need you to choose me Sam pls! I can't take being ur second priority again! Just one word Sam and I won't leave. I don't wanna leave!)

I was struggling to keep my emotions at bay. The pain in my palm reminding me not to cry, not to react! Everything will be okay. She hasn't decided yet.

After the long silence, Sam finally started speaking.

S: Mon... Why are even talking about this? (And that was it. That was my answer. I closed my eyes forcing my emotions down. I'm doing all I can to not break down) We have enough problems as it is, why do we have to think of a non existing one when we can't even solve what we're facing now.

(That hurt. That really hurt. I already knew her answer. I knew it would never be me Sam. I feel so stupid for even trying. I knew, I always knew. You gave me hope when you said you loved me the most in the world but that was a lie. A lie I so desperately wanted to believe. I was trying my best to keep myself from breaking down. From lashing out.
From losing my mind, but none of it was working. I can't hold it in. Not for long.

This was what I feared the most. This was why I chose to leave!
Great now I have to leave her knowing that she will never choose me. This is just double the pain.

At least before, I had something to hold on to. I could at least tell myself when I miss you, that it was me; I made the decision to leave you, because I didn't want you to choose.
But what about now?
what do I have left Sam? I will forever remember that I left because I didn't want you to leave me first!)

Sam saw that something was wrong so she hurried to hug me.

S: what's wrong Mon? Why are u acting like this and why now?

M: U did say u love me the most in the world, but I guess me and ur grandma don't fall in the same category.

S: Mon, u and grandma are different. I don't know why you're asking me to choose now. What's this for? Grandma already gave us her approval. Can't u still let this go?

M: hm. U don't have to choose Sam coz I already know your answer.

I then wore back my clothes and hurriedly left. I needed to go somewhere. Anywhere. that's when I saw the pool. Without any hesitation I jumped!

I needed to shock my system. To stop myself from thinking and the cold water was exactly what I needed.

The water was soothing me, it's numbing me and clearing my mind. I wanted to stay here.

I kept my head under water because that's where I was finally at peace but I guess I stayed there for too long because my consciousness was fading and I was ok with that. I want to stop thinking. To stop hurting. I was tired and wanted to sleep.

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Heyyaaaaaa! How was chapter 23?

Do you like Sam's choice?
If you were Mon what would u have done?

Just to add a little insight behind the thoughts of Mon since a lot are frustrated hihi she is frustrating but here's why

Mon couldn't tell Sam everything until she knows for sure that Sam will choose her because if grandma knows she told Sam that was game over.
She would force Sam to leave and Mon knows Sam would always give in to her.

Mon was thinking if Sam
couldn't pick her over her grandma continuing with the original plan was the way to go
At least that way she had a fighting chance. If she follows the plan she can come back to Sam. So she decided to fight alone

Hopefully that makes the readers more sympathetic toward Mon :)

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Love u all! Fighting!!!!