The Cosmic Princess

Signs of a Trigger

Song: Halsey - Control

Trigger Warning: Abuse

My eyes slowly slid open. The off white stained ceiling of my old Earthling bedroom met my vision. All around me was darkness that seemed to be slowly crawling for me.

He had left, but I don't know how long it had been. For what seemed like hours, I laid on the cold bareness of my dull wooden floors. If I focused hard enough, I could put more attention on the crisp frigidness of my floor instead of the pain pulsing through me like unstoppable breaking waves. Thunder rumbled outside my window seeming to make my entire room quake. Aches streamed through my entire body. With each hollow breath I took, a slow painful whistle would emit from my respiratory tract.

Limbs shaking in pain, I slowly curled into a ball and closed my eyes. My entire torso ached, but I didn't know if it was from hunger or from him. If I thought hard enough and took my mind to somewhere else then I could take my mind away from the pain. If I took myself to my happy place, then I wouldn't feel the aching in my chest with each breath I took nor would I feel the agonizing tremors that raked through my body every couple of seconds.

What made me happy?

Simon and Lily made me happy.

The beach made me happy.

Spongebob made happy.

It made me really happy.

From the moment I saw Spongebob for the first time, I was always fascinated that this little creature always managed to go through the world happy and seemingly unaffected by the horrors and mean people in his life. It was just a cartoon, but it was my little escape. How I wished I could brush off my troubles like him. For about 30 minutes I got to laugh and drift off  from my horrible reality with this yellow little sponge. A stupid cartoon, but it was my sweet little escape.

If I clenched my eyes tight enough, I could replay the episodes in my head. A slow smile drifted onto my lips at the thought of an episode I had seen yesterday at Simon's house.

Oh Spongebob, I would never understand how you managed to make those sound effects in that cardboard box.

Thunder suddenly roared outside the rickety house again ripping me from my thoughts. In a cold sweat, my eyes shot open as light flashed through my entire  room. My eyes contacted with the cold depths of my foster dad's eyes standing in the corner of room staring at me with a cruel smile printed on his nefarious face. Engulfing as much stale air as I could, the air scratching through my chest as I inhaled, I screamed.

I screamed bloody mercy.

I shot up from the pillow, breathing hard.  Sweat raced down my face as tremors of fear drifted from my head to my toes feeling like chilling ice shards racing down my veins. I had sweated so much that even the back of my shirt was damp. I brought my shaky hands up to my face and let out a deep breath.

Oh Selene. I was losing it. The nightmares and memories were back. They had went away so long ago. I was able to suppress them, but now the nightmares were back. And they were worst because they were not figments of my imagination but actual occurrences that had happened in my past. My demons were coming for me.

I thought back to that particular memory. I was eleven. Carol had went on a overnight's trip with a group of her friends. I begged her to stay already had seen Gene guzzle down five beers back to back, but she had not listened. She had been too ecstatic to catch up with her friends to pay any attention to my pleas. She had thought I just wanted to spend time with her, but deep down I think she knew there was a possibility that Gene would hurt me. However, in her ignorance,  I had paid the price. For almost two days, I was Gene's punching bag.