The Cosmic Princess

Love VS. Power

Song: Ellie Goulding - Love Will be your Downfall

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I sprung up screaming bloody mercy into the still darkness feeling like it was screaming and grabbing for me while I laid alone, defenseless and terrified.

Fire scratched my throat from the intensity of my scream feeling like nails scratching against the sensitive tissue, while chilling tears raced down my face. In my panic blind haze, tangled around my damp limbs, the cover was knocked to the floor, and humid air bit at my skin.

Arms were suddenly around me pulling me into a chest. Broken sobs ripped from my sore throat as someone rocked me, whispering soothing words in my ears not understanding the depths of what was going on but trying to be there despite the lack of knowledge.

Soft sobs continued to fill the air as I ran into the light called reality and out of the darkness tainted with my nightmares, downfalls, and demons.

Gene wasn't here. He wasn't hitting me and kicking me because he had a bad day at work and needed a punching bag to make him feel "manly" again when his boss made him feel otherwise. He wasn't dragging me through the house while I kicked and screamed for Carol's help. And Carol didn't stand there, rigid back to me, and continue to chop carrots in the kitchen like she didn't hear my pleading or begging screams for her help or see me curling into a ball as he laid hit after hit upon me.

No. I wasn't there!

The light flooded back into my fractured but salvaging reality, and I found myself in Ike's arm. My wet cheek rested against Ike's naked chest, his fingers gently stroking my sweat streaked hair.

"It's okay, angel. It's just a bad dream." He whispered above the pathetic wheezing coming from my throat. I gripped him tighter trying to drown out the harsh whispering in my mind feeling like his touch alone was driving away the maddening darkness that seemed to follow only inches behind me no matter what I did. During the day, I kept it at bay; however, it would watch and patiently wait it seemed. Then when I was most vulnerable at night, it would attack and wreak havoc on me.

His soft lips kissed my clammy forehead gently unhinging me from the darkness' grasp. "What was the dream about?"

Shakes shocked my body and my mind briefly drifted over the prospect of telling Ike and coming clean. But coming clean scared me more than my nightmares. My nightmares were my past but coming clean would affect my present and future. The fears of the "what ifs" grasped my tongue and held it hostage from uttering the truth.

"I-I dreamed I was...drowning."

Not the truth, but not a lie either. I was drowning in the dream. I was drowning in my pain and tears.

"These white lies about your past are going to bite you in the damn ass, hard." My conscience drifted through my mind.

Shut up, I snapped moodily.

It scoffed and disappeared.

Ike sighed softly almost as if he was relieved that it was something as minor as that. "You're screaming, crying, and sweating about that, Av? I already taught you how to swim so your nightmare is just that, a nightmare. Never reality." He softly spoke, genuine eyes staring into mine. "Will you be able to go back to sleep?"

Dully, I nodded knowing that I wouldn't but not wanting him to lose sleep fretting over me. I knew he would, and I just didn't want that on my conscience.