Worthless Confession?!

Escape?!

These heroes were driving me nuts! What was I supposed to say, what was I supposed to do?! I hated them. I didn't wanted to be here and I didn't wanted this whole talk happening. I knew that there would be consequences but the more I thought about what would happen if my mother would find out the more I knew that I was royaly screwed.

In the end I let them talk and argue till one of the med staff came over looking at me and then simply ask one question. I was also glad that the man asked me that because otherwise who knows how far this talk was going on about? Maybe they woulf even find out about my home situation and at that point I would bother them all. Yeah... no need for that.

Medic: Do you know them?

Me: One of them.

Medic: Do you want him to be with you?

Me: No.

Medica: And the other one?

Me: No.

Medic: Alright.

Just like that the medic threw Hawks out of the ambulance car and then also threatened Eraserhead who was there at the edge. This was how I got transported to next hospital. Of course the medic staff asked a lot of question about how this happened and how I felt but I was only answering these question with a I don't know or I am fine. Yeah... that was a lie but my two faced masked was just perfect not to let out any hint about me wanting to just dig my grave. This was it. I knew it... but for now I was waiting for a chance to escape the hell I was about to face.

Of course I knew all my stuff was in that bar and I didn't had anything at all or so I thought but when I got kinda shoved into a hospital room to wait there, another medic gave me my stuff and with it the key to my very own apartment. Oop it was not mine but kinda was and also my phone. They expected me to call my mother. I knew that but there was no way I would do that.

Instead, I decided to sit there wait till the coat was clear and then just get out of the room. I was not dumb. It was kinda an habit to always put my clothes into my bag and also have a spare clothes with me so escaping from the hospital in my spare clothes was not that impossible. I just simply walked out of there and walked back home. 

Meanwhile I just felt horrible. 

Each step I was taking was hurting. I was sore and I felt something sipping out of me and it was disguasting me even more. This was how the first thing I did when I got back home was to take a shower and get rid of everything. I scrubbed my skin  soo much till it was actually getting red and burning and hurting as well as bleeding a bit. I had hot water running to desinfect and get rid of all the feeling of hands on me and it took me hours to get out of there.

After that I kinda went to the next sofa and just flopped on. 

I was tired.

I was done with life.

I wanted to sleep.

I wanted it to be over.

There was no point in going on.

I even lied to myself.

My body....

HAH!

As if my body was worth something....

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

How could I lie to myself this badly!

I am worthless!

There is nothing that could make me feel like I was wanted.

That is a lie in itself!

No one wants something like me!

I am always screwing up!

As my face was burried in the softness of the sofa, I started to feel how heavy my body was. Yeah... I was up all day and nearly all night just to earn a living. I was getting tired of it. My body was already on the brink of breaking.... no it was already broken a long long time ago. I stopped feeling a lot of things and I was barely sleeping or eating. I was too thin for being a kid of my age and not only that but I was also barely passing the exams. The struggel was real each and every day. I had to force myself to stand up and I had to force myself to go on moving around. Was it really worth it?

Now that I was laying on this sofa dead tired I was starting to think it all over.

Was life really worth it?

Was I worth it?

What have I done up till now that I was ever proud of?

What was it that could get me to wake up tomorrow and continue?

Where was the pleasure in life?

Where was the peace?

Where was just anything?

.

.

.

I had no answers....

It scared me more that I couldn't think about anything at all then the pure fact that I was simply accepting life and my nearing end. Yeah... perhapse this was for the better.