Worthless Confession?!

Fake it till you make it!

As Vlad already told me, later that day I had RG coming over. All she did was tell me stories and it was fun to listen to what she had to say. Even Nezu came over to talk to me and this was basically my day. Nothing out of the ordinary at all. I knew they all were trying to cheer me up and I felt it that all they wanted was to create a reason for me to continue. Nezu tried to imply how great my analytical skills were and RG was the one who healed me even though I told her she didn't had to. She just did it anyways.

Day by day more and more teacher started appearing around me and I knew that they all wanted that I would get better. Of course I felt kinda betrayed knowing that I wanted nothing more than to offer myself up and then there were them who wanted to help me out a lot. Well there was really something about this idea that got stuck with me. I couldn't get rid of it no matter how much I was thinking about it. 

I also was just playing with all the teaches and never really was honest with them. I felt horrible being with them. I felt even more horrible with All Might, Eraserhead and Mic around. I just wanted to be alone and left alone. At least I didn't had to see Shinso or who knows how I would had in fact reacted.

For me that day when I tried, everything just stopped working. I continued to feel this emotional emptiness and instead of it being just nothing it was heavy and it felt cold and like a brick being in my stomach. I don't know how to explain it. It was not a good feeling and I just felt soo guilty and also as if it was all my fault. Then I nearly crushed the rose and broke the window. I had all the teachers around me. It was just too much for me.

Yes they gave me time.

Yes they were careful.

Yes they tried their best.

BUT!

I didn't wanted that.

It was true that I acted as if nothing was happenining and opened up to them a bit as well but that was it. No matter who it was, if they wanted to talk to me, I would talk with them. I am a person who doesn't care about the topic and I would even tell them my past because I couldn't change it but I hated people who thought they knew it better and just wanted to help me out because they would feel bad if something would happen to me. News flash! I was my own person! ANOTHER NEWS FLASH! It was not up to them but up to me to decide what I would do with my life and everything that involved me!

So no matter how much they tried to actually sweet talk me to open up to them, I just did what they expected me to do and fakd everything like I always do. At this point, I didn't knew it better as well. 

Days...

The amount of time I spend faking it till I finally was allowed to go back to school were days!

Now all I had to do was actually wait for the perfect timing and just get it over with. Of course no one expected me to still hold on to the thought to kill myself but it was my solution. I knew it was the only solution as well.

Still nothing really changed when I got back to school. Here I was sitting and Shinso was once again the one who was coming over and just started talking and talking and telling me about what I missed. I wasn't even listening anymore at all.

Shinso: Izu? 

Me: Mh?

Shinso: Are you listening?

Me: Yes.

Shinso: What did I say?

Me: You found a cat and got it in school and got in trouble because of that.

Shinso: True but you don't seem well. Are you okay?

Me: Just tired. A lot is going on recently.

Shinso: I heard from father that you are sick. Please take care about yourself.

Me: I am.

Wow...

Sick in the mind hmm....

Very polite way of saying that I tried to kill myself.

Well I am glad they didn't actually tell him that.

Shinso: Promise me to go to either RG or home after school.

Me: ... I'll go to RG now.

Shinso: Good choice. Not as if I would have made you go anyways. 

Me: You do know that you gave me choices.

Shinso: Meh. I am your best buddy and I am worried about you.

Me: I am fine Toshi! I am just very very tired.

Shinso: Alright got it. Ama tell papa that you are not feeling well.

Me: Thanks.

And this was my opportunity... who knew that it came this easily...

A/N: There will be two endings to this story! A sad one and a happy one. Please chose whichever you want to read or just go with both! XD

Also this is the update for tomorrow in case I don't get to do it :) If I do... then YEIY we got a double update today and another one tomorrow XP