The Marauders - Order of the Phoenix - Part Two

More Important Things

Regulus stared at a fixed point on the blanket that covered his lap. His hands were balled into the fabric, the words echoing again and again and again in his head.

He would have been better off if --
He would have been better off if --
He would have been better off if --
He would have been better off if --

Surely his heartbeat would sound like those words if the mediwitch came back and took a listen to it now.

Oni stepped closer. "Regulus," she spoke softly, voice trembling, "I am so sorry, I --"

"Leave."

His voice was flat, no emotion in it, just noise that came from his mouth.

"But Regulus --"

"Leave," Regulus repeated.

"-- I just have been so worried about you, and when my Uncle said --"

"I SAID LEAVE!!!!!" Regulus yelled.

"Please, I --"

"He said leave." James stood up.

Lily looked up at James, remembering a time so long ago that he had so valiantly done this very same thing for her. Her heart swelled up and James crossed the room, opened the door, and waited for Oni to step through. "If he wishes to hear from you, he will reach out by owl. Please have a good day."

Oni stared in surprise.

"You heard my husband," Lily said, standing up. "Good bye."

Oni looked at Regulus, but he stayed staring at the spot on the blanket, and Peter looked down at his wringing hands nervously, and finally Oni burst into tears and walked from the room.

James closed the door behind her. He looked across the room at Lily.

Lily sat back down, her expression one of absolute sadness. She closed her eyes and tears slipped across her cheeks. "Regulus," she said quietly, "Why didn't you just come home to us sooner? Why didn't you come home?"

Regulus felt his heart shattering inside him.

He would have been better off if --
He would have been better off if --
He would have been better off if --
He would have been better off if --

He was quiet a long moment, then he said, "He would have been better off if I really had died."

"No, sweetheart," Lily said, shaking her head. She could feel how much he believed it sinking to her very soul. "No. He would have been better off if you told us the truth from the beginning, but never if you'd died. Never that."

James said, "He's angry, and hurt - really hurt. Honestly, I'm hurt, too. And I'm hurt for him, and so is Remus..."

"And me," Peter said.

Lily's lip trembled. She was hurt for Sirius, too, but she couldn't voice it, her words were completely gone. She felt torn in pieces, like the barbarian death sentence of being tied to four horses, the emotions were pulling at her heart in every direction. She felt stretched thin.

James looked at her with worry lingering in his eyes.

Regulus whispered, "I'm sorry. I don't know what I was doing, what I am doing..." He kept his eyes very carefully on the spot on the blanket.

The mediwitch came back in then, and she said, "They've got your sample exposed to aconite and moonstone, so we'll have the final-final results in the morning, but seeing as there was no transformation under the full moon, we're confident our results were accurate and this is more for peace of mind." She smiled, and touched her wand to Regulus's wrist, holding it up again as she mused about readings being added onto her chart by magic.