Before the Hearth

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James sat up in the living room in the smallest hours of the morning yet again, staring at the hearth as the fire burned low. He was sitting on the coffee table directly in front of it, rather than on the couch or one of the chairs, and he was hunkered over, putting a fresh log in and poking at it. Funny, he thought, how the lack of the dream was what was keeping him up tonight...

The absence of the sequence was even more unnerving as the dream itself had been. 

Perhaps that was because it meant that everything in the dream had happened.

James hung his head and laced his fingers behind his neck, leaning forward so his elbows rested on his knees, and he stared at his sock-covered feet and the floor.

The entire world was on his shoulders, resting in a knot at the back of his neck.




They'd all stayed up late the night before - they'd sat about at the table again and felt the heaviness for a long time together, and then Lily had simply got up and went and made them all sandwiches and Sirius hadn't wanted to eat, but the others ate and Lily promised she would leave the sandwich in the fridge for Sirius so he could eat when he was ready. They'd all talked a bit about little things, things that might distract from the ache that hung in the room - they reminisced about Hogwarts some, and Remus had talked about the Summer schedule he was putting together for his University courses. Lily had told them about a new recipe she read about in Witch Weekly and James had blathered about the next Gryffindor match at the school he'd be attending that week to see Oliver Kent play. "He's gonna massacre the Slytherins," he'd said in an excited tone, and Lily had asked if he was in fifth year again, to which James had replied, "Bleedin' hell, I hope not - couldn't have picked any other year, could you? Had to go for the worst one?"

Sirius and Remus had ended up staying the night, trekking up stairs with James and Lily when they were all too exhausted to pretend to be alright anymore, and they'd sunk into the untouched sheets of the spare bedroom that Sirius couldn't help but think of as The Room Where Regulus Should Be, and despite being practically cross-eyed with tiredness when they'd gone up to the room, he lay awake long after Remus's kisses had faded into silence and the comforting strokes of his hand on Sirius's back had gone still.

He had stared at the watch on the night stand where he'd lay it down on top of his own pocket watch, right next to his wand, the bit of mirror that he always had near to him at night, and his wedding rings. His arm twitched a couple times, about to reach up and press the glow button, but he stopped himself each time.

That's when he'd heard the creak in the hall, recognized the sound of James's footsteps as he came down the hall and turned, heading down the steps.

Sirius stared at the pile of his most important things, and he finally got up and plucked Regulus's watch from the nightstand, and slipped away out of the room.

Sirius was on the stairs when he spotted James.

From this angle, James was in silhouette against the burning fire and he sat on the coffee table and was hunkered over. Sirius paused on the landing, his hand on the bannister, and he stared at James from across the room.

The flash of the fireplace made the whole room glow red... and Sirius felt a memory conjure up in side of himself...

Sirius had woken in his bed in the dormitory at Hogwarts that very first night, after the Sorting and dinner, after Bilius Weasley had seen to it that the boys were all safe and sound in their dorm. That first night was one of the only nights that the boys had bothered pulling the curtains around their four posters, so James Potter didn't know that Sirius Black was awake in the next bed over. Sirius had lay there and listened as James rummaged about in his steamer at the end of the bed, and then slipped out of the dormitory door.

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