The Marauders - Order of the Phoenix - Part Two

LI: April 1994

Remus Lupin sat behind the desk in his office, leaned back in the chair at a funny angle, as though trying to get away from something that was threatening him. 

He stared at the parchment on the desk. 

He was sick - sick - for doing this to himself over and over again, but it had become a wee bit of an addiction in the last few weeks since he'd confiscated the map from Harry and Snape. He knew he ought not to be doing it, knew it was messing with him more than it could possibly be helping or doing anything else. He just couldn't quite bring himself to stop.

But it wasn't hurting anyone, right, so what was the harm?

Well, it wasn't hurting anyone else anyway.

He raised his wand, feeling guilty in his stomach already because he'd told himself thrice now that he wouldn't do it again and here he was... a junkie looking for a hit.

"Reveal yourself," he said, tapping his wand to the parchment.

From the center of the parchment, so familiar and so exactly like he remembered it, the ink bled into thin, spindling lines of text that moved across the page, each line in the oh-so-familiar handwriting of the speaker..

Messer Moony would like to AGAIN remind Mr. Lupin that the definition of LUNACY is repeating the same action multiple times and expecting a different result. WILL YOU NEVER LEARN?

Messer Wormtail believes Mr. Lupin ought to stop looking at the map and just get on with life as quickly as possible! Reminiscing never turned the clock back a single iota! There are loads more important things to be concentrating on!

Messer Padfoot shall go on the record saying that Mr. Lupin ought not to be lying to himself about what it is he wants and realize that what he's looking for isn't going to just... show up on the map....

Messer Prongs reminds Mr. Lupin that it's a good day to have a good day -- and there's always chocolate to think about. Eat, you'll feel better.

Remus stared at the ink until it started to fade away.

When it had all disappeared, he paused, then raised his wand again.

Messer Moony is speechless at the utter lack of self preservation being displayed by Mr. Lupin. You're really making it hard to feel sorry for you!

Messer Wormtail agrees. If Mr. Lupin would only PUT DOWN THE MAP RIGHT AWAY then he could just get to feeling a lot better about everything so much faster! What is the use of wallowing in old misery?

PRECISELY. Messer Padfoot is curious - exactly when is Mr. Lupin going to start using his grey matter?

Messer Prongs  should like to applaud Mr. Lupin for his efforts and urges him to just ignore those other three lads - you're doing the best you can. And seriosly, eat some chocolate.

Remus leaned forward and his forehead landed against the parchment as the ink faded off, his eyes focused up-close on the words you're doing the best you can in that stupid loopy hand writing of James's that never quite stayed on a straight line. When the words had faded off, he closed his eyes. 

What the hell was wrong with him? Poking and prodding that old map over and over and over again, just to watch the words scrawl across the page. It hurt like hell, but for a moment - just a moment - each time the ink started appearing he dreamed that maybe they would tell him it had all just been a joke and everything from 1981 on would be simply undone. Or maybe for a second he was holding his breath, praying that Messer Padfoot would tell Mr. Lupin the full story, that one of them would reveal some precious detail that would change the entire narrative...

Remus worried Sirius had left for good. Remus worried he'd never see him again... worried that he'd open the Prophet some morning and find a headline saying Sirius Black had been picked up somewhere in Brighton or Yorkshire or wherever he'd gone... and if he was found, then what? It wasn't like they'd take him back to Azkaban... No, there was no way they'd settle for just detaining him again, not now that he'd escaped once... That had to be why Tonks was putting in so many extra hours, walking around the castle grounds like a vigilante at all hours, her wand tight in her fist as she paced the perimeter... She wanted to be the one to find him. Anyone else and Sirius Black didn't stand a chance to make his story heard... No, Remus was certain that the aurors had the Ministry's order to kill on-sight.

Remus sat up and drew his wand again, tapping the parchment once again...

Messer Moony is incredibly disappointed in Mr. Lupin and wishes to formally petition to have his teaching license revoked! No one this stupid could possibly be a Professor...