Clarissa Beheads The Villainess

[34] Selfishness

Clarissa thought that maybe Astaroth had a chance. That he would survive the plague out of sheer will. But now he's lost his mind and he shrivels in pain every second he breathes. For every boar pitched scream she'd wonder if it's time to let him go, wondering why holding him like so hasn't made her sick so he wouldn't suffer alone.

She's positive nearly every person in the castle has heard his writhing howls. People began to understand the situation without word having spread around.

On the third day of but watching him die with nothing left but a husk in constant pain- the duke and Vixen enter Astaroth's quarters.

The woman, with sunken eyes rushes to stand in front of them like a lioness protecting her cub. She hadn't eaten in days, slept like she was on constant alert, and she hadn't seemed to have bathed recently either. Her slightly matted hair looks like it could hold baby birds.

"Clarissa, you need to let him go." Vixen takes a step forward, and so does she.

"This is not a request Clarissa, it's an order." Orias says sternly. They watch as she visibly trembles, her lips pulling down and her eyes cast to the floor.

"I don't want to... I don't want to, please. We can still save him, there's still time."

Orias shakes his head.

"He's the first person I've ever loved this way... He's the only person I share my secrets with! I can't. I won't. I'll do everything I can to be with him." She returns to Astaroth's side, kneeling before his body and holding his darkened hand in hers. "Astaroth? You can hear me right? It'll be alright, we can save you I promise. When you're back I'll smile as much as you want me to, I'll kiss you as many times as you want I'll - I'll do anything."

Vixen looks at Orias, Orias looks at Vixen. Both look extremely distressed. Neither wanted to let go of Astaroth either, but the man is in agony.

"I'm sure he was extremely happy he got to spend time with you while he lasted." The bigger man kneels beside Clarissa and stares at their dying friend.

"You sure made him mellow out, and he did the same to you." Orias adds. He stands behind the two, occasionally struggling to hold a stare at Astaroth.

"I lose everything precious to me. It's why I decided to always keep my distance from people. I gave myself a chance to lean on others again and this is the outcome."

"I'm still here, so is Orias, Peter, and Katherine. And all the other friends you've made."

"And none of them matter as much as Astaroth does to me!" She raises her voice, and then she softens, regretting the harshness of her words. Astaroth would be sad to see me still struggling to get along with the others.
"Fine, I get it. Take him and have him burned, after all I'm just letting him suffer because of my own selfishness."

"We're not doing this because we want to, I hope you know that Clarissa."

"He's your friend too." She mumbles. On weak feet, she gets up and backs away.

"You can have a few more minutes to him, we're going to grab a few people to help us with your man." Vixen and the duke leave the room.

Looking at Astaroth's body, his whimpers and moans now dry and hoarse, her finger traces over the crescent moon that lay on her chest. "I've worn this every day since you've gifted it to me." Clarissa pulls her hands back and takes the necklace off.

"If you could speak, you'd tell me to keep it." She hovers over him, studying his features. His face has darkened to the crow disease, but his blue eyes were still as captivating as the first time she stared into them.

The woman gently lifts his head up and puts the necklace around his neck.

"Goodbye, Astaroth. I'm sorry I couldn't smile for you." Clarissa runs her hand from her dying nearly-lover's hair to his collarbone. "I love you."
She bends down and kisses his forehead. The weirdness of the skin and the ghoulish appearance of Astaroth didn't bother her at all.

She'd think that if he were to be reanimated as a demon straight out of her nightmares she'd still kiss him.

---

The castle is eerie and silent as those who cared were at the courtyard for Astaroth's send-off. The duke did put extra efforts this time along. Plenty of flowers, an intricate vase with colors that matched his eyes was prepared for the ashes. Orias wouldn't admit he's actually had that prepared for a few days now- ever since he's discovered Astaroth's situation.

No one cried, but no one looked near ok. Katherine kept glancing at Clarissa with mean thoughts she holds to herself, brought up by her insecurity.

Her head would be carved instead of a pumpkin if she were to actually say what she feels. On the other side of Katherine's brain are thoughts about not wanting to die that way.

Part of her cursed Clarissa and the others for allowing Astaroth to live that long. What if the crow disease spreads again!? She keeps thinking.

"Astaroth was like a brother to me." Orias stands at Clarissa side, watching the fire like it was the only thing in the world.

"Really? He only ever tells me about how you're such a dick." She replies.

Katherine is behind them, glaring at the dark haired one. "So you're going for my fiancé now huh? You might as well go and become a damned harlot, I'm pretty sure a lot of gross fucks would want your used cunt."

"He does occasionally compliment you to me, but still mentions how you're still a dick." Clarissa continues.

"If he had the strength to speak, I bet his last words to me would be go suck your statue's cock or something." The duke chuckles, and chuckles not so much when he looks at Astaroth's charred body. "Aha...ha."

"It's difficult to lighten up the mood in times like these." Vixen places his heavy hand on both their shoulders. "Astaroth was a good man."

Orias turns his head. "How about you my dearest sweetest loveliest prettiest Katherine? Got anything to say about Astaroth before he's ash?"

Katherine's shoulders tense up and her eyes immediately soften, hoping Orias didn't catch her glaring at Clarissa.
"I uh... Astaroth was uh. A good guy, yeah. A good fighter."

"Wish I could've had one last spar with him." Vixen huffed.

"I know he wasn't all that great to you my love, but I know he meant well." Orias runs his fingers through Katherine's hair that was beginning to smell like smoke.

Clarissa walks closer to the fire, stopping herself from reaching forth and burning her own arm.

"Thanks for loving me, Astaroth."