If Someday Never Comes

Chapter 20

Brooks's POV

She wore that fucking black dress.

 She had dressed it up with a blazer over it but that did nothing to hide the way that dress hung to her figure and begged for me to peel it from her inch by inch. 

I hated the effect she had on me. My body reacted to her like we were still horny teenagers and it made me physically ill. I had never felt the attraction to anyone else the way I did Sydney Graves and watching her present her idea for this renovation only made it grow. She was so passionate and the way she described what she wished for The Graveyard to be, it felt as if I was transported into her dreams. I could see it, feel it, and visualize it all right along with her. The excitement I had as she moved through the presentation wasn't something I had experienced in a long time.

This was a good idea and I didn't want it to be. I wanted to be able to reject her proposal and tell her it wasn't the time or a good investment but I knew now there was no way I could do that. The cafe deserved to be restored and Sydney deserved to be the one to make this dream come alive. This would be a great addition for the town and I could feel my resolve crumbling.

 I took a deep breath and rubbed my temple with my hand. I was a smart businessman, I knew that, but doing business with my first love felt like a backslide into my old life, back to the Brooks who thought there was something more for him out there than the life his father lived. There wasn't, not now. I had sunk enough into this path that I couldn't undo it all now. 

Despite knowing it wasn't possible, something inside me wanted to be a part of this project, selling her the building would be the smart thing to do, but there was still something that stirred in the back of my mind, a loop hole or way to keep my hands in it for the sake of the town, not necessarily for Sydney. Besides that, I knew deep down there was a piece of the puzzle I was missing about why she was coming back and I needed to get to the bottom of it before I committed to a sale. 

She was so lit up while she presented this idea and the way our eyes locked I felt that tether that tied us together so significantly it felt like I was still the man that could call her mine and when she walked out the door I could the way her shoulders slumped. She believed in this dream but she didn't believe in me...she didn't trust that I was serious about this and to be fair she was right...but now after hearing her idea, I didn't know what to do. 

 All of the thoughts swirled around my head at warp speed and it was making me nauseous the images of her in that dress standing at the other end of this table practically glowing as she spoke brought a tingle to my skin. My heart felt like a magnet to her, wanting to pulse its way out of my chest only to get closer to her the same way my hands clenched with the need to reach out and touch her, make sure she was real. 

 God, I was pathetic.

I'm engaged for Christ's sake and even if I wasn't, there was a reason that I let her walk away all those years ago, she deserved more out of this life than I could ever give to her. Something hardened within my heart when my dad died and Sydney deserved someone who could give themselves to her without any scars or tainted messes that lingered around. 

I tapped my fingers along the dark wood of my desk and pressed the intercom on my desk phone, "Tinika, please call the lawyer and ask them to draft a purchase agreement for the cafe property." 

"Yes, sir," she replied. 

I closed down my computer, checked the time, and decided to head to the store before I went home. 

***

I hated grocery shopping, it was partly why I ate out of most days but I needed to restock my bathroom supplies and protein powder so here I was. I had tossed my suit jacket in the back seat of my Jeep and grabbed a cart from the line of them at the door. I was pushing the wobbly thing, down the aisle when around the corner Pam Graves pushed a cart of her own that overflowed with fresh produce, eggs, wine, and snacks. The smile etched across her face told me she was enjoying her house guests' company but as she got closer she seemed frail and looked a little unwell. Maybe it was just a bug I thought to myself. 

She stopped her cart only a few feet in front of mine and her eyes lit up when she noticed me standing there searching for the toothpaste I like. "Brooks," her voice was faint, tired.

"Pam, hi, how are you?" 

She rounded the cart and wrapped her thin arms around me. The affection caught me off guard, I will never be used to the loving way The Graves family always embraced me, even now, years later she greets me with a hug every time we see each other. As Pam pulled back she held onto my arms it seemed to steady herself so I held on to make sure she was balanced. "You doing okay?" I asked her softly. 

Her eyes met mine and she glanced around at the aisle, it was empty except for the two of us, " I wanted to tell you how much I appreciate you taking the time to meet with Sydney today, I know you two have a history but she is so excited about this project," she stopped to take a breath," Her moving back home because of my cancer was not something that I wanted but you know Syd, no one can tell her what to do and when she sets her mind to something we are better off getting out of her way than to try and stop her." she laughed softly. 

My muscles felt frozen and my eyes tried quickly to shake away the shock at what Pam had shared...she had cancer, and that was it, that was why Sydney was moving back, to be with her mom. Did that mean she wasn't going to make it? I swallowed a lump in my throat. Words felt hard to form as I fumbled out, "I...I had, I had no idea," 

"Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. I thought she would have told you why she was staying. We've kept it pretty quiet but I assumed she," 

I interrupted gently, " She didn't." And the final piece of the puzzle fell into place. 

"Are you going to be okay?" I asked Pam. 

"Yes, it's very treatable and besides, I'm a  Graves woman, haven't you heard we're resilient?" she smiled. 

"There's no doubt in my mind that that's true." I reached in for another hug. 

"Be kind to her Brooks, you broke her heart once and I forgave you, I won't be so forgiving again." she tapped my cheek with a laugh and returned to her cart waving a final goodbye as she continued down the aisle. 

I didn't find the right toothpaste, I just grabbed the first one I could and threw it in my cart. I needed to get out of there and fast. 

As I tossed the bags into the back seat I settled in behind the steering wheel as I gripped it tightly, my knuckles turning white. Emotion rumbled up my throat and there was a burning behind my eyes. Pam has cancer, Sydney moved home, and now she wants to buy the cafe so she has work to do while she is here but how was she going to afford to buy the building and renovate it? 

If Pam wasn't working, if her medical bills started adding up, her parents couldn't help her... I felt my heart slightly cracked at the thought of how scared Sydney must be about the chance of losing her mom. I wanted to ask her, to comfort her, but I had no right, I had no place in her life anymore. I wasn't even her friend.

There was only one way I could fit into her life and help her and her parents. I knew exactly what I had to do, so I rushed home, unloaded the few things I bought at the store, and opened my computer to get to work.