If Someday Never Comes

Chapter 40

Sydney's POV 

I almost fucking kissed Brooks. 

My mouth nearly collided with his mouth.

My lips came this close to smacking his lips. 

I cannot be trusted and thank God by the end of next week I will be out of the state. 

I'm sweating just laying here, on my now-made bed, thinking about it, because well, it's replayed in my mind, over and over and over again since Saturday. 

Shit. Shit. Shit. I repeat to myself as I pull my comforter above my head and kick my feet into the mattress. 

My alarm is ringing next to me but I've been awake for hours so its obnoxiousness is not needed this morning as I peek out to click it off and take a big deep breath. 

Can you even imagine if I would have done it? Locked my lips to his, my body ignites at the thought while my mind screws with panic. How can my mind and body be so conflicted about something?! Especially something involving Brooks Dawson! It should be a hard pass all around but NO. My lady business lit up like a sparkler on the Fourth of July. 

I blame my heartache, I blame the lack of sleep after Quinn told me the news about Mrs. Anderson, I blame my mental breakdown that morning and I also blame him because he needs to NOT be that sweet and attentive. The next time he finds me crying I expect a slap on the back and some term of "rub some dirt on it" and I fully intend to tell him so but first I have to get ready before my parents get here to pick me up for Mom's appointment. 

So I slowly crawl out of bed and to the coffee pot. It's literally the only kitchen appliance I own but obviously the most important. 

I Facetime Quinn as I get ready and luckily she answers but I don't recognize where she is. I contemplate spilling the beans on my almost lip lock but by the expression she is rocking this morning I don't think that's a bomb I'm willing to drop. I need to scope out the scene first.

"Good morning sunshine," I say to the grumpy look on her face. 

"Mrs. Anderson was a pack rat," she says in a stressful tone. 

"A pack rat?" I question, curious. 

"Yes. There is literally shit EVERYWHERE. Her desk is overflowing with paperwork and past due bills and uncashed checks and boxes of letters..." she rambles on and on. 

"Well, I always told you she was a little batty," I say with love as my heart cracks a little more, "but why is that your problem?" I ask as I brush out my hair and touch up the curls. 

"Apparently, we were the only one with a spare key, she has no other family, Syd, it's sad and horrible." Quinn chokes on the words and I feel the emotions bubbling to the surface in my chest. 

"Ow fuck." I shout after burning my finger on the curling iron, "Did you ever find out what happened?" 

"I guess she was having chest pains so she called the ambulance, the door was unlocked so they were able to get in without breaking down the door, they took her to the hospital and lost her on the way, I was the last dialed number on her cell phone before 911 so that's when I got the call."  I can see the popcorn ceiling above what I'm guessing is Mrs. Anderson's desk as Quinn rummages through another drawer. 

"God, that's awful." 

"Yeah and the landlord needs to find out what to do with all of her stuff, so I'm going through all this shit trying to find some sign of a long-lost cousin or nephew or friend...literally anything." 

Her face finally reappears on the screen just as I strip my clothes off to change and she gets a full shot of my ass. 

"Jesus Sydney!"