Slow Hearts

Carnival

        Me and Jade and Mateo met up at a carnival that was in town for another 4 days. I couldn't help but stare at Mateo a bit. He noticed me sometimes but chose to ignore my stares which I'm thankful for. "Oh my god let's go on the ferris wheel" Jade says while tugging on my arm. "I don't know seems scary" I say with a slight smile. "Oh come on Ivy learn to live!!l Mateo says now nudging both me and Jade to the line. "Fine whatever" I say trying to act nonchalant. This man is too beautiful for his own good, pretty privilege must be nice. The line feels like forever before it's our turn. "Yesss we got the blue teacup!" Jade shrieks. "What difference does a color make?" I ask with a slight chuckle. "Nothing I just love blue." Jade says as she eagerly sits in the cup. I watch as Mateo also sits and I sit right between Mateo and Jade. At first the ride is going smoothly and I start spinning the teacup with Jade and Mateo until EEEEEK. "What was that??" I ask trying not to freak out. "Pffttt it's probably nothing Ivy losen up" Mateo says with a big grin. "I don't know man that didn't sound too good" Jade says also concerned. Mateo tries to comfort us until we hear EEEEEEEEEEEK and boom our teacup slightly drops a little too aggressive. Screams from other people on the ride gets louder and louder. I knew I should've begged not to go on. Before I could comprehend what was going on the cup kept slamming more and more aggressive instead of moving smoothly. With every slam it felt harder to stay seated in a cup with no seatbelts. Come on that's a serious hazard. We all tried staying in put as much as we could before. BAAMM I was nearly thrown off the cup at this point with my head dangling and body nearly slipping out before Jade and Mateo reaches out to pull me back in. Finally after what it seems like forever the ride stops and slowly everyone starts exiting out of their cups. I never felt so much fear in my life before. I looked over to Mateo and couldn't help but see his expression wasn't the smiling one I've known he looked ill. He looked unrecognizable. We were rushed out of the cup and checked for any injuries and Mateo looked stunned. "Ivy, Jade I'm sorry" he says with his voice softer than ever. "It's fine it's not your fault" I say with a warm tone. Jade nods in agreement but something tells me he won't stop blaming himself for this. "Mateo it's ok how could we have known that would happen" I reassure him until he gives me a half hearted smile which makes me smile back. "I do think we can call it quits on rides tonight" Jade says with a nervous chuckle and me and Mateo silently agree. We walk for more hours enjoying games and listening to the carnival chatter until I saw him. Theo. "THEO?? Is that you?" I hear Mateo say while waving over to him. I'm not surprised he knows Theo after all he knows everybody. "Heyy what are you guys doing here" Theo says with a confused expression as he starts to eyeball me. "Rude" I blurt out not meaning to. "Uhhh I think what she meant to say was it was rude of us to not invite you" Jade says while batting her eyes. Ew. "Hmm I do agree with you but oh I'm sorry I didn't quite catch your name" Theo says with a smirk. I watch as Jade and Theo start to make small talk and notice that Mateo has stepped a few steps back. I walk over to him leaving my cousin to flirt with Theo. "Are you okay?" I ask Mateo. "Why were you crying that day?" He asks while looking at the colorful carnival lights and rides. "No reason in particular" I say with a shrug. "Come on Ivy we've been friends for nearly a month now and I still feel as if I don't even know you" Mateo says as he locked eyes with me. His blue eyes looked more gray today. "I'm not one to share my feelings" I say with a sigh. I don't like bringing up my problems. "Yet here I am asking you to let me in even just a little" he says while tossing a pebble. "I was crying because of my mom" I say finally admitting it to someone. "Why? Did she do something" he asks now trying to study my face. "It's not what she did it's what she doesn't do, she doesn't care about me I'm the bane of her existence, I'm the thorn in her side." I say a bit angrily towards him despite him not being who I'm mad at. "I understand and I'm sorry she's like that, parents are not always the best but you shouldn't have bottled that up." he says with an expression that could move seas. It went silent after that. We just stood there watching the carnival and the people enjoying it. I stared down at the sand and held back the tears that were hidden. Mateo hugs me as he notices and I just stand there looking down with his arms around me.