Fall Again (a Michael Jackson fanfiction)

9. Nightmares

Michaels POV 🥀

I checked my phone that evening, I was allowed my phone - unless it caused any distress or danger to me, in that case they'd take it off me.

I had hundreds of messages now, I read a message from my brother Tito, who promised to take me for a KFC when I got out. I read a few more from family and friends, then I started to feel exhausted.

I put my phone on my nightstand, laid back in bed and quickly drifted off. I dreamt that I was back at home, happier than I'd been in months.

Then things started to get bad, my fans outside the front gates turned against me, started yelling abuse and nurses with tubes and needles chased me around the house.
Then I wasn't in my house, I was in a dark maze and couldn't find a way out, while words rang in my ears "Try harder next time" "No one loves you" "Kill yourself for real this time" .

I woke up in tears, shaking. I didn't know what time it was, the room was dimly lit with my lampshade - for a minute I didn't know where I was, then I remembered.

I wanted to go home, I had to go home.

Actually no, I had to try again. I looked around the room for anything I could use to end things for real this time.

The lampshade cord, the bed sheets? I remembered seeing a bath in one of the bathroom stalls. I got up tiredly, determined to end it properly this time. It was what everyone wanted.

I felt that same feeling, the agonising calm sensation as something controlled my body to move, step by step, down the corridor towards the bathroom.
Luckily no one was about, I quickly hurried around the corner and into the bathroom.

I went towards the bath and locked the door behind me, I knew the nurses had a special key to open any locked door from the outside - but hopefully they wouldn't notice I was missing from my room for a good while. 

I filled the bath within 10 minutes and climbed in, I'd forgotten to use the hot tap and the cold pinched at my skin. I pulled my clothes off, caught sight of myself in the reflection of the plastic unbreakable mirror.

I'd always been skinny but now I looked only a few pounds over a skeleton. I shivered and looked away.

I lowered my body into the water, wishing I had sedatives to make it easier. I lay back, shivering, trying to ignore the urge to get back in my nice warm bed and go back to sleep.

My hair floated around me as I disappeared under the water, and my nose burned. I couldn't breathe, but strangely I was calm.

It would be over soon.