Fall Again (a Michael Jackson fanfiction)

31. Bad night

Michaels POV 🥀

I woke up to a torch being shined through my bedroom door window, and I could just make out the main nurse, Tyler's face looking through at me.

I sat up groggily, as Tyler pushed open the door and shone his torch at me. "Are you alright, Mr Jackson?"

I nodded, wincing as the light made my eyes ache. Tyler disappeared back to the office and I lay back down in bed, colours flashing under my eyelids.

I couldn't get back to sleep after that, I ended up going for a shower. I caught sight of myself in the mirror, I was still as skinny as a skeleton, with dark circles under my eyes and tangled hair hanging around my shoulders.

I averted my eyes so I wouldn't have to see myself, and went into the cubicle. I handed asked for a towel or shampoo or anything but I didn't care.

I sat under the drizzling water and put my head on my knees, still with my pyjamas on. The water was freezing but I liked it, I liked being able to feel something.

It was horrible being so agonisingly numb, unable to feel the pain that I knew was there, rooted deep in my body - waiting for the numbness to fade off so it could launch its attack.

A few minutes later, I heard a nurse rap softly on the bathroom door. "Hello? Are you okay in there?"

"M' fine." I mumbled, and she left, satisfied.

I rested my head back against the wall, beginning to shake from the cold. I shut my eyes, feeling strangely tired and euphoric - despite feeling icy all the way through to my bones.

I got up eventually, after being checked on 2 more times, and put my pyjamas back on again, soaking through and still shivering. I headed back to my room and glanced at the alarm clock on my side table, getting my dressing gown and drying myself with it.

It would only be a few hours until the day staff would be on .... I wondered if Hope would be in today.

I lay there, thinking. What did she see when she looked at me? What did she think?

I pulled myself out of bed, rubbing my itching eyes. There was a plastic mirror next to the wardrobe, I peered into it.

Pale skin, with dark eyeliner and pink lips, messy tangled black curls around my shoulders. Then my reflection warped, my nose got wider, my lips got bigger, my light tattooed on makeup looked hideous.

I was a freak. A FREAK.