ASCENDANCY / P. MAXIMOFF

this is war (one shot)

written by @stilestastic (AGAIN) because i love mika and pietra

Each hero has a different routine for stress. Some hang up the suit and take off for a week. Others drown themselves in whiskey and jazz music. Once in a blue moon, you'll find a shabby-looking superhuman in your local laundromat, donned in baggy sweatpants, a white undershirt, and bloodshot eyes as they struggle to fit quarters into the slots by the dryers. But the Avengers? They had a different plan.

They had a Nerf war.

To their credit, it wasn't on purpose. Tony had just been bored and found an entire box of them in an old storage cabinet in the basement. He took the largest one, as expected, and shot the first member he happened to see.

It was Steve, who was sitting at the table and eating a massive bowl of cereal. When the foam dart hit him directly in his right temple, he stopped chewing. His eyes drifted ever so slowly to see Tony standing in the doorway. It was the 'Righteous Look' combined with the 'I'm Done With This Team' expression that he had somehow found a way to mash together. Then Steve continued on with his cereal, swallowing before speaking.

"Stark," he began, and Tony knew he was in for a good, old-fashioned lecture, "you better stop now before you start something you can't finish."

"I know what I'm starting," Tony replied with a roll of his eyes. He held the plastic yellow gun up so the top faced upwards. "I'm startin' a war."

Steve stared at him with an emotionless expression. He didn't even flinch when Tony pressed the trigger and shot an orange bullet at the ceiling. A thud and a muffled shout of "Hey!" from Clint caused the genius to raise his eyebrows like, 'See?'

Steve pushed his cereal away from him and leaned his elbows on the table. "You know we don't have time for this- Ultron's singling us out and we shouldn't be playing games."

"This isn't a game," Tony scoffed like he was offended. "It's art." He lowered the gun. "Besides, wouldn't it be a good idea to let off a little steam?"

"Like I said, I really don't-"

Steve was cut off and his eyes went wide as a series of battle cries sounded from down the hallway. He sat and watched as Clint launched himself on Tony, tackling him to the tile floor with a sharp thud and several "Ow's". Tony quickly sat up and grabbed his gun - which had slid across the ground as they fell - before glaring harshly at his attacker.

"What was that, Barton?" he demanded angrily.

"You made me drop a bottle of shampoo on my foot," Clint retorted gruffly. "Do you know how much that hurt?"

They could see now that his brunet hair was slightly damp, making it look a bit darker than normal. Clint smelled faintly of soap and aftershave.

"This. Is. War." Clint stood up and shot a livid look at Tony as he left the room. "You don't know what you've started, Stark."

He left, bare feet padding along the hallway soundlessly. Steve chuckled in amusement as Tony sat wide-eyed on the floor. "Told you."

Tony huffed and picked himself up. "Whatever, Capsicle. I've got this. Every man for themselves, right?" He started to leave, then stopped and turned a bit so Steve could hear him. "I mean, no offense, but you're all totally beatable."

Steve smiled in amusement at the man's words. He closed the box of cereal and carried his empty bowl to the sink to wash it, as every good soldier should. It was one thing that he had which Tony did not- a good knack for cleaning up after himself.

-

Ana was confused when Clint ran into the movie room and shouted in a very orotund voice, "WAR IS HAPPENING." Of course, when she and Wanda heard that, they thought he was serious. They paused the comedy they had been watching and tore out into the hallway after Clint. Their footsteps pounded behind him until Ana skidded to a stop so suddenly that Wanda nearly ran her over.