Captivation

Captivation Part 50

She looked incredulous and went to remove her hand from their handhold. But Jared was not going to release her hand quite so easily. "But you didn't know me?" She frowned in surprise and blurted out, "I doubt I've ever even registered on your radar. I know I'm..."

"Not in my league?" He asked wryly. She blinked self-consciously and nodded. Jared smiled gently as he told her, "That's what Doug said you'd said. That you weren't in our league. I didn't believe him at the time." Jared brushed a lock of hair off her cheek, "You are in a class of your own." He said softly. "The kind of woman Doug and I could only ever dream of having in our lives, why would you think you weren't in our league? You're way ahead of us!"

"No I'm not. You can have practically any woman you want. You aren't going to tell me you are short of female company!" She chided.

"No." He agreed with a wry smile. "We aren't short of female company. True." He smiled ruefully before admitting somewhat sheepishly. "Doug thinks I'm a romantic!"

"A romantic?"

Jared nodded then said with more conviction. "He's right. I believe in love." He made eye contact, "Not that that's for public consumption. In our neck of the woods you don't go around revealing what could be seen as a weak spot?"

"A weak?"

"Yes. You don't wear your feelings on your sleeve. Survival is tough enough without putting your heart on the line!" But before they took this any further he needed her to know what she was taking on. "Caitlin," He dragged in a lungful of air, "Caitlin I want to marry you. But you need to know what I bring to the table."

She blinked. That was the last thing she had been expecting. "I know you had a rough childhood." Caitlin said quietly. She'd heard a few stories and none of them sounded as if his childhood was a bed of roses. And she remembered their conversation on that one date. "I know that Doug and his brother, and your half-sister are your family. You'd do anything for them. I've heard bits, from other people. Your childhood wasn't easy."

He nodded. "Guess that's one way to describe it."

"How would you describe it?"

"Let's just say that parental role models were in short supply." He poked his tongue in his cheek, considered how to explain that for as long as he could remember, the closest thing he had to family was Doug. He looked at her, "I know it's not the same, as your situation, having no mother around." He reached forward and gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze. "Your father has done an amazing job. Bringing up you and your sister, on his own. I can't begin to understand how tough that must have been. The day your mother was killed must have turned your childhood world on its head." Caitlin nodded. "My mother was alive during my childhood. But that's about all I can say about her. Doug and I were fending for ourselves, and his brother and my sister for most of our school years. Not that any of us spent much time in school." He took a breath. "I want you to know what you'll be getting. I bring no familiarity or knowledge of having experienced good parenting. No familiarity with having a father, let alone what having a good father in your life feels like. I bring no experience of happy families. But I swear I will do everything to make you happy, to provide a good, safe, loving home for our children. I want you to know I..."

It was then that Caitlin genuinely believed that Jared thought he carried an emotion deficit. "Jared! Families aren't always blood related." She interrupted, and leaned forward to place a finger against his lips, "You and Doug are brothers. Sometimes I see the way you two interact and it reminds me of how I am with Georgia." She looked earnestly at him. "You know what family looks like. What it feels like. You and Doug are family. You are protective of each other. You rely on each other. That's family." She smiled as she added, "My dad is a good judge of character. Even if he can be really annoying at times!" She sighed. "He would never have brought me to your doorstep if he didn't trust you to look after me." She added softly, "Georgia and I, and now Sophie and Elias are his heart. He'd never place that in your hands unless he believed you'd take good care of what he considers precious." Caitlin looked over at him and said, "I've never met anyone who understands me as well as you do, and who despite that, loves me!" She told him. She hadn't realized until a few moments ago just how vulnerable Jared was. He genuinely did not believe he came to her as an equal.