#visible

Validation

Why is it that we constantly look for validation from other people about our own illness? Well.. I say 'we', it could just be me!

Here are a few that regularly go through my head-

Am I ill enough to talk to other people with my condition? I'm doing really well at the moment managing my symptoms... maybe I shouldn't get involved. They might think I'm trying to force positivity down their throats... or that I'm a fraud.

Do I look ill enough to park in the disabled bay today? Its a long walk to the shop I want to go to, and the 100 yards off my walk will make me feel a lot better... but I look fine... maybe I should do the walk so people don't think I'm faking it.

I'm going to study all day and into the evening so I don't need to ask for another extension on my next assignment. Even though I'm allowed a few extensions because I'm registered as needing extra help because of my disability, I don't want to keep asking for them.

There are two very separate groups of people I am looking for validation from, and I believe it is the same with others who have any type of disability and illness.

Those who have the same condition, who experience what you go through and understand what you go through.

And those who don't.

I want those who are healthy and 'normal' to look at me without prejudice or judgement. I want to go through my studying without this label of 'disabled so requires extra help.'- an expectation that my disability will effect my studying. Why can't I just be a normal student, who asks for help when they are struggling- just like everyone else?

I want validation from those who have the same condition as me. I want them to say that what I am going through Is normal, its manageable, its relatable. That any and every way I find that helps me through something should be supported.

But its not like this at all. In my condition, there is a huge spectrum of symptoms and their effects on the body and mind. What works for one, will not work for another. So if someone says, 'exercising properly has helped me walk again', others say- 'you never had this condition in the first place'... 'you obviously weren't that bad in the first place'... 'your giving those who are still in wheelchairs/ bedbound a bad name'

This was a post on a support forum that I witnessed a few weeks ago. These comments were real, and they were demoralising... I can understand this resentment, this fear that if someone else can do exercise with this condition- why cant you do it too? But the need for validation stops us from realising that EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT!!!

All I need is validation from myself. I know  this.. and yet I am always looking for it.

Yes, I am ill enough to talk to others with my condition- because I HAVE the condition. Maybe what has helped me can help someone else.

Yes, I can park in the disabled bay. Not walking that extra bit today will make me feel so much better. I have the right to park there, so I will.

Yes, If I need to I will ask for an extension- again. But I will work my hardest to complete everything within the time frame. If that doesn't happen, then so be it. Asking for help should never be a bad thing.

Rachael

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What are you afraid to do, because you think people won't take your disability as seriously if you do?