| A Fear In Love | ✔️ REWRITING

Chapter One

"It's not because things are difficult that we dare not venture. It's because we dare not venture that they are difficult."

~

Allison

"Life is at its best when everything has fallen out of place, and you decide that you're going to fight to get them right, not when everything is going your way and everyone is praising you."

           I STARED OUT MY bedroom window, watching as the birds lined up on the trees. Thinking about how much my life has changed since I moved in with my mother. I was living with my father since I was 18, now I'm 21. My father was very hardworking, he always cared for me, he never did anything to hurt me... But my uncle Rob, on the other hand, was living there also, my dad's brother, of course, stayed down the hall from my room.

One day when I came home from school he was waiting for me, sitting on my bed. I thought everything was fine because I was close to my uncle so nothing seemed weird to me. He would always take me to school and pick me up but on this particular day, I had to walk home...I didn't ask any questions, I just stared at him. He had told me that he wanted to talk, but I honestly didn't know what he wanted to talk about.

He started telling me that I was really pretty and started touching my hair. By then I started to feel weird. But I didn't want to assume anything bad was going to happen because I didn't think my uncle would do anything bad to me, he was family... well I thought. He started moving closer to me, rubbing his hands up my thighs... looking down at my chest.

I was paralyzed with fear... He moved his hand up my shirt, pushing me down on the bed. Tears forming in the brim of my eyes, I didn't know he was this sick to touch me in this kind of way. But I still couldn't move, I tried pushing him off of me, but he was way too strong. He started kissing my lips, sucking on my neck... I couldn't do anything I was just really hoping that my father would come home.

He unbuckled my jeans pulling them down, sitting there naked he started ramming his penis inside of me. All I could do was cry as he went faster and faster, it hurt so bad. At that moment I wished I wasn't alive, I felt dirty and embarrassed. He had stopped a few minutes later, kissed my cheek and left out of my room.

I couldn't stand myself, I thought this whole thing was my fault like I had done something wrong. And when I told my dad he didn't, believe me, he called me a liar. I knew Rob was his brother and all but I'm his daughter and I thought he would have my back, I had lost respect for my dad and this will always haunt me. I sometimes even have dreams about my uncle. I will always have love for both of them even if I would always remember what my uncle did to me and how my dad betrayed me. I just don't have respect for them anymore if that makes any sense and I would never want to see them again.

And that's why I'm living with my mother now, after everything that has happened to me. I'm trying my best to look past it but it keeps following me everywhere I go.

Here I was in a place I haven't seen since I was 6 years old.

California.

          I remember when I came here for Thanksgiving and all my mother's side of the family was here. They were all happy to see me and this was the first time I felt happy since my mother and father had divorced. I had always blamed my mother because she left us but I soon came to realize that life is to short to hold any grudges with someone especially your mother because you may never know when they would be gone and you will never see them again. While I was down there I made lots of friends... but I don't know if they even live there anymore or even remember I exist. I looked a lot like my mom, as everyone would say. I kind of favored my father also but not as much as I did as my mom. My mother was a writer before she had me... maybe that's why I love writing now, it was always in my blood. Thanksgiving was the last time I ever saw my mom and her side of the family because my father never sent me back and my mother never asked for me to come back. It was just a one-time thing but I didn't blame anyone at least I enjoyed the time with my mother while it lasted. When I think of my mother, everything that happened to me over the years just disappear. I guess she was the only thing that kept me from not breaking down.

I still stared out the window, as tears began to fall down my face.

"Allison, why are you crying?" My mother said placing her hand on my shoulder. I never actually told my mom why I wanted to live with her. She just kind of went along with it, but I will be moving out very soon. I just needed a place to live since I'm now in college and I wanted to get far away from my father and uncle.

"I'm just happy to be here with you, that's all," I said while giving her a hug.

"I'm glad you're here too sweetie, but if there is something else on your mind you know you can tell me right?" my mother said while returning the hug.

"I know, thank you for being here to listen to me."

"I will always be here for you. Your my daughter and I wouldn't change that for anything." My mother said while kissing my forehead. "Now please stop crying before you make me cry." 

I laughed and wiped my tears, leaving tear stains on my face. 

"Alyssa will be here if you want someone to hang out with." my mother said while placing another kiss on my head as she left the room.

Alyssa, she's my cousin, we honestly didn't have anything in common. I think I've seen her like 4 times my whole 21 years of living so I don't really know much about her only that she loves getting her self in trouble and I didn't like hanging out with that type of crowd, but I haven't seen her since I've been back here so I don't really know if she has changed or what.

~

I was sitting on my bed listening to music, when someone barged in my room, scaring me a little bit.

"Hey Ally, I've missed you so much." My cousin said as she pulled me into a tight hug.

"You're suffocating me, Alyssa," I said as she let me go.

"So what made you come back to California."

"Missed my mother, I spent my whole life with my dad and now I want to spend the other half with my mom." I smiled knowing that I wasn't telling the whole truth.

"Oh, well I'm glad that you decided to come back, we have a lot to catch up on. I would love to show you around if you're up to it."

I didn't know if I was down because I didn't want her to lead me into some trouble that I couldn't get out of.. but the only way to see if she has changed is to see with my own eyes.

***

Hey, guys, I know that I've written way to many books so far, but all these ideas keep running through my head. So here is the first chapter, I hope you guys like it and please excuse any typos that I've made.

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