| A Fear In Love | ✔️ REWRITING

Chapter Eight

"Forgiveness is freedom. Forgiveness is liberation. Forgiveness is a choice. If you forgive and forget you are free but, if you keep it, you shall always have it and it shall always rule and direct your heart, mind, body and spirit." ~ Ernest Agyemang Yeboah

~

"Let go of certainty. The opposite isn't uncertainty. It's openness, curiosity and a willingness to embrace paradox, rather than choose up sides. The ultimate challenge is to accept ourselves exactly as we are, but never stop trying to learn and grow." ~ Tony Schwartz  

~

Dave ~ (Allison's Dad)

I walked to Allison room door, hoping that she would want to speak to me.

"Allison are you awake" I knocked on her door.

"Yes. Give me a second." she finally opened the door, she stared at me like she wasn't hoping to see me.

"Hey honey." I smiled.

she just stared at me, tears forming in her eyes.

"Look, I know you don't want to see me and I don't blame you. but I just wanted to say I was sorry."

"I don't think I believe you... how could you not believe your own daughter?" she asked,

"I didn't want to know that Rob had did this again after he told me that he has changed." I said.

"He... he did this to someone else... how could you have a man like that living in our fucking house." she stared to cry. "He's fucking sick and you just let him live with us after you knew that he raped someone else... how could you Dave?"

I was kind of hurt by the fact that she called me Dave... but I honestly think Rob didn't do anything to her because he told me he changed. I think she is just looking for attention.

"Are you seeking for attention?" I asked her.

"How could you fucking ask me that? your even worse than your fucking brother... I hate the both of you... I just wish you guys would just leave me the fuck alone... I cant even look at you right now."

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean it like that..."I tried to hug her but she pushed me away.

"Dave... you mean nothing to me... you and your brother should just fucking leave and stay out my life... you couldn't just believe me could you? your brother raped me and you just call me a "Liar"... why would I even lie about that.... just leave me alone." she slammed her door.

I felt like my heart just broke into a million pieces? how could she say those harsh things to me? is it my fault that I believe my brother?

Allison

I couldn't stand the fact that my father just called me a attention seeker... It feels like everything in my life is falling apart piece by piece. I don't even feel comfortable in my own skin anymore... I haven't been to school in a few days because I cant stand to be around anyone right now... I cant even look at myself in the mirror without wanting to cry... I just want everything to be over with... Dave... Rob... the both of them are dead to me.

Today is the day I'm suppose to go to my therapy session and I don't even know If I feel like talking to anyone right now... will talking to someone even help me move on?...

I went into the bathroom... pulling out the blade from other the sink.

I put the blade against my skin... the blood felt so cold against my warm skin... I really want to stop... but I just can't... when I look at the marks on my arm... It's like i'm claiming that part on my body as mine. It's something that reflects my emotions... it's like when I run my fingers over the marks, it sort of feels like a reminder of the control that I could feel.