Learning to Live Again

Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten

"Fine!" I exclaim slamming open the front door. "I'll go take a walk! Happy?" I don't bother to close the door I simply start walking down the crooked sidewalk.

I'm not sure where I'm going but it really doesn't matter. All day Miss Joy has been going on and on about how I don't get out enough so I blew up and yelled. I'm starting to act the way I did before Sam came into my life. Those were bad times. All I did was hate everyone and everything. I don't want to go down that path again.

I end up at the park. There's no particular reason for me being here but I don't waste a second going to the swing Sam sat on just a few weeks ago. I force myself not to cry. I don't like to cry in front of people. I run my hand up and down the metal chin that holds the sing up. I can't take it anymore! I get off of the swing and walk towards the start of the trees. I go to on tree and rub my fingers over the roughly carved heart. Inside the heart were Sam's and my names. I had done this only a month after meeting him. I remember the day as if it were yesterday.

*flash back*

His small hand was carefully place in my tight grip. I was afraid that if I didn't hold on tight enough he'd leave forever. I couldn't let that happen.

"What are we doing here?" The small blonde boy says in the softest voice.

A smile forms on my lips and I drag him to the biggest tree I had ever lay my eyes on. "Sam, I know we just met but I love you more than life itself. You're the reason I wake up in the morning, the reason I'm alive. "

 "No one has ever said they love me before." His brown eyes tear up. "I love you too Noah."

That's when I lose control and kiss him. He's hesitant to kiss back but he finally does. This was my first kiss and I'm not really sure how to kiss properly but it means the world to me.

Too soon the kiss ends and I begin to carve our names into the wood with a ragged piece of metal. "I'll be yours forever if you'll be mine." I ask just finishing the heat.

"Even after I die I promise to make sure you'll be happy." I glance down to see a tear slide off his cheek.

"The day you die will be the day I die Sam." I finish the heart and hug him tightly. "Because without you I'm nothing."

*end of flashback*

I fall the grown and rest my back against the tree and begin to sob. "Why Sam!" I cry. "Why wasn't I killed? I should be dead not you!" I pull my knees to my chest and cry until I have no more tears to cry out.

I notice the metal I had use to carve our names into the tree and pick it up. Why haven't I thought of this before? All I have to do Is kill myself and I'll see him again. I'll get to be with him forever and ever!

I pull up the sleeve to my black jacket and stare at the vain in my arm. All I have to do is cut down that all I'll be dead. I'll be with Sam. I place the metal piece to my wrist and push harder and harder until I break the skin and blood starts bubbling up.

"Sam I'm coming." I whisper softly.

"Oh god! Noah no!" The scream comes from my left and it causes me to lose my grip on the metal piece.

Of course. "God what are you? My stalker?" I hiss at the guy there was someone else with him this time however.

"You are not going to kill yourself! I won't allow it!" He races towards me and snatches the piece of metal.

"Damien, who is that?" the smaller kid asks looking oddly at us.

Well at least I know his name now. Not that I cared much. "Why can't I? Give me one good reason why I can't kill myself?"

He shakes his head. "I can't let you do it. You can't kill yourself. Sam wouldn't want that."

I punch him. I've never punched anyone in my life before but something came over me. Damien holds his red cheek and looks me dead in the eye. "Fine go ahead. Kill yourself. Be a disappointment to him. That's all he's ever know!"

My eyes start to tear up again. "You don't know Sam! You don't know me! Why won't you just leave me alone?"

He looks at the metal piece then at me. "Because I can't."