Learning to Live Again

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve.

I sit scrunched up in the corner of my room. A new kid had come and John would now be sleeping in here. The only reason I got my own room is because I'm the oldest and first kid here, and my room is the smallest and only has enough space for two beds to fit. Even with two beds it's still a really tight squeeze.

John walks in looking down at his feet. "Hi Noah." he mumbles. I think it'll be good having him in here. I mean I don't like that he's taking Sam's spot but it'll be nice.

"Hey John." I smile just a little at the boy. He actually reminded me of Sam when he first got here, however I think of him as the little brother I've never had.

"It'll be nice only having one other person in my room." He says setting down the small amount of clothing he owned on his-my old-bed.

"Yeah, it's nice."

John goes to collect more of his stuff leaving me alone to think about that Damien guy. It had been two weeks since I saw him. It really was weird about what he said, and to make it worse I listened. After all I'm alive aren't I?

Groaning, I fall back on my bed. I suppose if I asked you would easily guess who has been in my mind the two weeks. It's like the black haired smoker was forever stuck in my head. But why?! Why can't I just forget about him, it shouldn't be this hard. Plus I don't want to think about him, then again what if I do? No Noah! Don't even think about that. Sam, think about Sam. "EVERY TIME I THINK ABOUT SAM THAT DAMN DAMIEN GUY POPS INTO MY HEAD!"

I then notice John staring oddly at me right out side of the door. "D-do you want to talk or something?" a second his cheeks turn a soft pink. He really is a shy boy.

"No," I say slightly shaking my head. "it's best to just not talk about it."

John nods and starts putting his clothes into the small dresser in between our two beds. I close my eyes. The sound of John softly walking around the room was calming. I'm glad he's in here now, I probably would have gone insane-even if I hadn't been thinking about Sam that much. That's right! Its been three days since I've cried. THREE! I feel both guilty and happy, guilty because I'm not thinking of Sam as much and happy because I might be going back to how I was before I met Sam.

"Noah please whatever you do don't go back to how you were before." John says as if he read my mind. I open my eyes to see he was being dead serious. "Please."

"Why shouldn't I? Isn't it better for me to act as if nothing happened?" I was going with the moving on thing, after all it had been a month since Sam's death. Just a month, god it feel like a few years.

John looks down at his lap. "I just don't want you to be so mean. I cried myself to sleep every night because of you." Once again his cheeks were pink, but this time it was from anger. "Don't you dare start treating us all like shit again! Don't you ever come home at night drunk again! Noah you hit me one time!"

Damn, I really am a bad guy. I've never heard John cuss before. However he does have a right to be so mad. I'm a horrible person, and yes sadly I did actually hit him.

I look down at my lap. "Oh god, please don't let me get like that. I'm sorry."

John comes over and sits next to me. "It'll be okay. You'll be okay."

"How do you know?!" What if I did go back to that. I don't want Sam watching over me and seeing all that crap.

"Because if I've learned one thing about you, it's that you're one of the strongest people I know." John places a comforting hand on my shoulder. "If you can't do this no one can. "

Thank god I have him here, sure I'm getting advice someone younger but it's the best I'm getting. "What should I do?" I ask looking into his eyes.

"Well," his face turns slightly red, "I guess you just need to find a reason to live again."

Know exactly what he means. Sam had given me life, before I was better off dead. Now I just have to learn to live again.

But how?!