Learning to Live Again

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty.

Damien's point of view

I've always wondered what it’d feel like to be shot. But now that I'm without Noah I feel as if I'd been shot through the heart. It hurts like hell.

A week. It's been a whole week since the worst day of my life, other known as the day Noah and I broke up. I haven't been good. I'd say I've gotten, at most, five hours of sleep all seven days. Food became too much to handle so I haven't eaten since, I can't even remember. All I do is lie in bed, listen to music, and stare at the ceiling.

God I miss him.

"Damien?" The most unexpected voice comes from behind the door.

"Go away mom, I'm not hungry." I tell her. This is the first time she's talked to me since she caught me with Noah. Maybe she's realized he dumped me and is trying to change me back.

"Sweetie I need to talk to you." Her voice is shaking slightly. She's worried. Groaning, I stand and walk to my door. I unlock it then walk back to bed, my mother following.

"What?" I ask, slightly annoyed. She turned on my lamp, making my eyes burn.

"He broke up with you, didn't he?" She lays a hand on my shoulder. Without me answering she continues. "I feel so horrible about saying all those things. I was just so shocked. I needed time to get used to the idea."

"Get used to the idea you son is a fag? Huh mom?" I glare dully at her. "You couldn't have realized then that I'm the same Damien I've always been. I've never changed. Maybe if you actually listened to me you would have figured it out sooner."

She frowns and looks at her lap. "I know I haven't been the best mother. I've pushed things in front of you and created a barrier between us, but I'm ready to change. I want to be there when you need someone." She pauses and sighs. "But in order to become a better mother you have to be willing to let me in. You need to be able to tell me when something is wrong."

For the first time this week I smile. I sit up and hug my mom tight. Never before has she said we wanted to be a better mother. She really is going to do it.

Then it hits me. Noah doesn't even have a mother who's willing to try. He's all alone with no one to love him. I, on the other hand, have a wonderful mother who’s just trying to do the best for me. I've been pushing her away all these years when I should be thanking her being here for me. For loving me.

"I love you mom." I mumble softly. I can't even remember the last time I said that.

She hugs back. "And I'll love you no matter what Damien. No matter what you do. You're my one and only child and I'll always love you."

"Damien, Damien!" The high pitched voice says, poking my nose. "Damien wake uppp!!"

My eyes widen and I sit up. "H-hello?!"

I know exactly who it is. I don't need a light to realize whose voice it is. Sam.

"Sam?" I say flipping the light on. As soon as my eyes adjust I see the small boy sitting at the end of my bed.

"Gooood morning Damien!" He grins at me.

"W-why are you here?!" I ask. It still freaks me out knowing I'm taking to a ghost. Sometimes I wonder if it's all in my head. Maybe I'm just crazy.

"Because Noah is in trouble and you're the only one who can help!" Sam frowns a little. "You have to help him."

I dart out of bed. "What the hell?! What happened to him?!" If something happens to him it'll be all my fault. I won't be able to live if I know I didn't help the best I can.

"He's really sick Damien, he's not doing well. He needs you!" Sam is frightened. I can tell he's shaking, but I'm shaking as well.

"Noah hates me though..." I sigh. "He won't want to see me."

"Noah wouldn't ever hate you. He just doesn't understand. I'll help you Damien. I'll make it all okay." Sam tells me, standing up. "Everything will be okay."

His small arms wrap around my waist and he hugs me tight. "Please help him though... I can't leave here until he's okay. I can't go where I belong until Noah is just as happy as he was with me."

"Oh I'll help him. There's no way in the world I wouldn't." It's true. I haven't known the boy long but I already feel so attached. There's just something about Noah that draws me to him. I need him here with me. Life just isn't as good.

"Come on then!" Sam pulls on my arm.

"Can I at least change first?" Sure I want to hurry up and get to Noah, but I'm only wearing boxers.

"Hurry! Time is running out!"

Noah's point of view.

The last week has been the worst week of my life. Even worse than when Sam died, much worse.

First off john stopped talking to me all together. Therefore all I have is myself to talk to. Which is not good considering the best thing for me right now would be to talk to someone. Second, there's a new addition to the house and with no Damien around forcing me to eat, I don't.

However despite the pain from starving, I hurt more mentally. I just want Damien back. He was always so good to me. I really never gave him time to explain. Maybe it was different than what I thought. I guess it's too late to change that...I've given up. I'm going to sneak out tonight. Go to the woods behind the park and end all my suffering. This time nothing is going to stop me.

Earlier today I stole a few bottles of whatever pills I could find. I just want all of this to be over. I have no reason to live. It's not like I'd be successful, I was never going to get the chance to go to college. I'd probably end up killing myself someday anyways. Might as well do it now, save myself from more pain.

Even though I just want it all to end, as the day turns to night, I can't help but feel slightly nervous. Sure I've tried it before but it's not every day I do. What if something goes wrong and it doesn't work. I guess I'll just have to find out and see.

When the last light in the house goes off I spring out of bed, already dressed. I grab the bottles of pills from under my pillow. The window was already halfway opened, and thankfully for being so skinny I'm able to sneak out without making a sound. I could run to the park, get this all over with, but I decide to take it slow. This is my last day after all. My eyes trail over the stars. How they all shine so bright, it's beautiful.

There are a lot of things I'll miss. I'll miss the feeling of rain running down my skin, laying outside trying to find pictures in the clouds, that warm feeling I get when I'm truly happy, finally understanding what it's like to have a family. And lastly, Damien.

I can't believe even after he hurt me I still have feelings for the stupid asshole. I should want him dead. I should want him to hurt. But no, I miss him. I miss his midnight black hair, his smell, the feeling of his lips on mine. I miss it all! I wish I could just hate him! That would make everything so much better! Why is it so hard to? What’s so different about him? What draws me to him?!

Finally I reach the park. I stop and stand right on the spot where Sam had been murdered. A tear runs down my cheek. "I'm coming my love..." I mumble.

My eyes widen. Calling Sam my love feels different now. It feels foreign. I can't call him that. I can't love him, at least not in the same way. I've never really realized it but during the short time I knew Damien he changed me. I'm not the same Noah I was when I was with Sam.

Sam isn't the one my heart belongs to. Damien is...

My legs start trembling, then my whole body. I fall down, onto the road, and curl into a ball. Tears start spilling down my cheeks. I can't do it. No! I have to! Damien doesn't want me. He was only using me. No one would want me. John is probably all confused. Who could want-

And yes the chapter does in there. I didn't want you thinking something happened. Heh. Remember to vote or/and comment ^^ The story is almost over and I was wondering if you'd want me to write another one about John...I mean he already has a story.. I just havn't written it yet.