Learning to Live Again

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Nineteen

Damien's point of view.

"Where are we going?" Colby asks.

It's getting pretty dark, making it hard to see, however I know exactly where I want to go. "To get my boyfriend." I smirk a little. I haven't told Colby about Noah at all. This will be interesting.

I feel a small hand wrap around my wrist, stopping me. "YOU'RE WHAT?!"

"Noah, my Noah." I sigh happily.

"You. Noah. Boyfriend?" Colby’s eyes widen. "Why didn't you tell me?!"

"Because you were always too busy with Alex." I look over at the oldest one here. Alex is frowning slightly.

That's right Alex. Frown! Be upset! You stole my best friend!

Finally we get there-It seemed like Alex picked the furthest possible restaurant from Noah's. I spot the window Noah climb in when I brought him back. Hoping that's his room I knock.

Not even a second later I hear someone jumping up and running towards us. Someone pulls the curtain over and I smile. Noah.

"Damien?!" Noah mouths. He fights a smile and pulls the window open.

"Hey babe, my friend and I are showing his much older boyfriend around town. Want to come?" I grin.

"Alex is not that much older!" Colby pouts as Noah climbs out the window. He shuts it behind himself and is quick to be at my side.

"I'm just kidding, relax." I pat Colby's head. He worries too much.

"Yeah, yeah." He turns his focus from me to Noah. "Hi there! I'm Colby or Leo, whichever one you like." he smiles at Noah in a friendly way.

"Uh, nice too meet you...” Noah mumbles, looking around awkwardly. He must not do well with groups of people. Scratch that, Noah doesn't do good with anyone. Except me.

"Oh I'm so excited! I thought Damien would be forever alone, especially after that Sam kid di-" I cove Colby's mouth with my hand. Noah can't know I liked Sam! That'd probably piss him off.

"Damien," Noah says calmly. "Was he talking about my Sam?"

"Whoa! Now I know where I've seen you! Your picture was in the paper with him!" Colby grins. "It all makes since now!"

Well shit.

"Come here." Noah glares and drags me away from the safety of my friends. "What the fuck?!" He whispers angrily, clinching his fists.

"Noah it’s not what it seems okay!" I take a step away, thinking he'd punch me.

"Oh I think it is! What, are you dating me just because you never got a chance with Sam? Huh? You think because I dated him it'd be like you dated him too?!" His face turns red with anger.

"Not at all! That's not what I wanted!" I look into his eyes, “I want you Noah."

"Well I want you to fuck off, creep." He hisses.

Just as he starts to walk away I grab his hand. “No Noah! Please you can't do this!"

"Watch me." Noah snatches his hand away and runs towards the window. There's no stopping him now. I've screwed up the best thing that's ever happened to me. Liking a guy like Noah sure is hard. Getting him back may be impossible.

Noah's point of view.

That creep! That sick creep! He thinks he can just use me because he I was with Sam. Well I will not get screwed over. My life is shit as it is and he isn't going to fuck it up more.

I sigh and sit on my bed. "Fuck." I grumble.

"Noah?" John frowns as he walks in. "Noah I'm sorry..." before I could respond his tiny arms wrap around me.

"I broke up with him. You were right John. He was just using me." It hurts to say that. Damien was just so nice to me. He made me so happy and now he's gone forever, just like Sam.

“O-oh,” John mumbles, letting go of me. ”W-what happened?”

“Nothing, it’s not important.” I mutter, holding back tears.

This is why I can’t get close to people. As soon as I’m happy something happens and I get hurt. I thought I learned this when Sam died, I guess I thought it’d be different with Damien. At least it happened soon. It’s not like I love Damien or anything, I hardly know him.

It’s now that I decide to face my other issue. I’m still not sure if John likes me. I hope I’m wrong. Now that I have no one I need John. If I upset him because I can never like him more than a brother, I’m not sure what I’ll do. He’s all I have now. I can’t lose him.

Now you might ask why on earth I’d think such a thing but you see I wasn’t until the other day I realized how jealous he gets. He said all that stuff about Damien, even if he was right, we didn’t know that then. I’ve also realized how jealous he was when I was with Sam. Now don’t get me wrong, John treated Sam like family, but there was something off about it. Also, unlike me, John is close to the others here. I’ve always known he liked me the most. He just treats the others so differently. It’s weird.

I really don’t want to tell him, in case he really just thinks of me as a brother. If I’m wrong he might get upset that I thought such a thing. And if I’m right he might get upset about me not liking him that way, So I’m pretty sure I’ll lose either way. But I think it’d be better to tell him I’m not interested now, rather than later. I don’t want to hurt him even more.

“John, I need to tell you something.” I say, after building up the courage. I glance over at him to see his almost black eyes full of both panic and curiosity.

“Yes Noah?” He turns a little so he’s facing me.

“You know I’ll always love you right?” I start chewing nervously on my lip. Maybe that was the wrong way to say this, but it’s not like I can go back now.

“N-Noah?” He stutters as his cheeks go red. Okay yeah this was a bad, bad way to put it. So now it’s time to break his sweet little heart into a million pieces. I’m terrible. Maybe I could learn to like him that way? It couldn’t be too hard. No Noah, you can’t force yourself to like someone.

“Even after I leave this place, or if you leave here first, I’ll always think of you as the only family I’ll ever have. It’s nice to know I’ll always have a brother.” It’s finally out. No more leading him on.

I finally force myself to look at him. His eyes are glassed over, his lip quivering. There’s something in his expression that makes it seem like he knew this was coming. Like he knew it’d be true. Once again he had been rejected. He’s just another piece in this fucked up world.

“I-it’s nice to know I have a brother too…” He mumbles, looking at his lap. “I-I uh... I’m going to go see if I can help out anywhere.” He stands up and slowly walks out of the room. He gets further and further away, and soon the comforting sound of his footsteps vanish, just like the tiny bit of hope John had left.