If I stay

Hunger

Two months after being taken.

  I sit on the center of my bed and quietly play with the ends of my hair. The room is silent. All except for the fan that is constantly on. It helps me concentrate.

North is turning one soon. Last time I saw my little girl, she was smiling and having a wonderful time. Now, I wonder if she even knows that I'm gone. Or if I miss her. Has she grown a lot? What about Ryan? Is he okay? Did Rayanne have her baby? I wonder if North and her baby get along or not.

A little smile grows on my lips at the image that pops into my head. North holding a little baby like that would probably be the cutest thing. She always had a babydoll with her, and she couldn't sleep without it. My mind wanders to my mate and how he's holding up. Are Ryan and North as close as they were, or has he given up? Of course not. He promised me he wouldn't. Although, sometimes promises don't always get kept.

Standing to my feet, I run my hands through my hair. Ryan. Promises. How could I be upset about him breaking a promise when I'm doing the same thing? I think about that for awhile, balling my hand into a fist, I slam it against the wall. It goes through the first layer but soon my knuckles hit the hard wood inside and I hear a loud cracking sound.

"Damnit!" I shout. I went against my promise to Ryan. I'm sleeping with another man, not because I want to, but I'm still doing it. On our wedding day, I vowed to only be with him. What I'm doing is adultery,and every second I spend here is so much more strain I'm putting on Ryan and I's relationship. I hate myself for it. Resting my forehead against the wall, I hold my hand close to my chest and begin to cry.

Since I've been here, my depression has made a comeback. Every chance I get I sleep, or try to sleep. My stomach growls and I glance towards the bowl of soup that Jewel had left for me, laying untouched. I feel sick to my stomach looking at it and  I refuse to eat.

I'm starving myself. I had yet to touch a crumb of food in nearly two weeks. Alex and his mate want a baby and I refuse to give him what he wants. Alex needs a by-blood heir, and not an adopted child. Seeing how his mate cannot do that, he had turned to me in hopes of baring his child. I can't do that. Not only would it go against Ryan and I's vows, but I wouldn't be able to just give a baby of mine up so easily.

I refuse to. Rayanne used to tell me all the time I can't conceive if I don't eat enough. I'm not healthy enough. So, I refuse to eat. If I do not eat, I can't get pregnant. I can't lose my baby, and I can't let Alex and his mate have a happiness that they stripped from me.

"Alex she won't eat." The voices were muffled outside of my door. I sink back into the corner of the room, knowing that eventually someone is going to come in here and address what I'm doing. I have no intention on doing what they want me to anytime soon.

  Alex Frank and his mate, who I have yet to meet,  let me walk around the house. I don't pose a threat to them, but I just refuse to wander around this wretched place. I don't want to pretend that I'm okay here, because I'm not. Not at all.

  
"Figure it out, Jewel. I have somewhere to be." Alex snaps. Him and Jewel don't really get along from what I've seen and heard. She's somewhat like a maid for him. I'm not exactly positive though.

The door opens and Jewel is standing in its place. She looks equally as unamused to see me. Her eyes catch the untouched soup and her frown falls deeper.

"You have to eat." She says, trying her best to sound concern but it comes out harsh. Hateful even. I stare back at her with a -go to hell- look on my face.