If I stay

Whiskey

I crawl out of bed, careful not to wake Blake up in the process. He's such a cute kid. He sleeps in a ball under the blakents. Sort of like a cat does when he sleeps at your feet. That's what it reminded me of. Only he's a wolf.

The kitchen light is on when I go down stairs. It's only a few hours before sunrise. I can't help but have a ball of fear grow inside my gut as I get closer. I'm worried about Alex. He's upset and I don't want him doing anything reckless to harm anyone or himself. As much as I hate to say it, I need him here.

"Alex?" I ask, my voice is under a whisper. It's like I'm afraid to wake up a beast deep inside of him. I've never seen him that angry or upset. I don't know what will set his wolf off and into a rampage. I don't want to find out, so I'm taking it easy.

Alex let's out a breath. His back is to me, and I can see him set a glass of brown liquid on the counter. "Why aren't you asleep, mama?" He asks. He looks at me in the corner of his eye. He's not letting me see his face.

"You're not asleep, and I'm worried about you." I say. Alex huffs.

"Why?" His voice is harsh. Louder too. I flinch at his words, but inch closer. I'm afraid.

"Alex, look at me." I beg. He glances at me in the corner of his eye but doesn't turn his head to give me his full attention.

"Alex." I beg. I press my hand against his back and try to get him to look at me. He's breathing harder now. I press my hand under his chin and pull his face down to look at me. My heart sinks.

He's been crying. Alex pushes my hand from his face and drops his head. "You can't keep pushing this into the back of your mind. Talk to me." I say. Alex furrows his eyebrows and scoffs.

"You wouldn't understand." He huffs. I wouldn't understand? Seriously? I let a little growl out and Alex looks at me.

"Could I just remind you that you took me away from my family?" I snap. Alex looks at me and instantly his eyes widen. He made a big mistake saying that.

Alex sighs, and squeezes the counter top. I don't blame him for acting the way he is. It's a sensitive subject. "You're absolutely right. I'm sorry." He mumbles. "But I don't want to talk about it, Taylor." He says. I let out a breath.

"What about Chelsea? Have you talked to her about it?" I push. I need to know he's let this out. You can't let stuff like this stay in. Eventually, if you do you go crazy. With doubt, and the feeling that it's your fault. Alex couldn't have stopped her.

"No, I haven't. I don't trust her enough with that kind of thing. She's my mate- I care about her- she's just not someone I really love. Does any of that make sense?" He asks. He loved Blake's mom. I nod my head slowly.

"Will you talk to me about it?" I ask. One of my hands reaches for his and I intertwine our fingers. Alex sighs and runs his finger over my stomach. His touch is gentle, and he finally nods his head.

"All I ever wanted was for Victoria to be happy. I thought that she was, but she wasn't. I couldn't protect her from herself and I know I could have done better." He utters. He doesn't look me in the eye. Instead he continues to look down at my stomach.

"You can't protect anyone from themselves, Alex. It's not your fault." I say softly. I rub my thumb over his hand and he sighs.

"But I could have gotten her help if I would have known and maybe then she would have finally learned that she could be happy." He whispers. A tear falls from his cheek. I get sad just looking at him. I look down at our hands because I understand what it's like when people watch you cry.

"Is that why you got me that therapist? Because you thought that because you couldn't save her from herself you could try and save me?" I ask. Alex let's out a sigh.

"You have so much to live for. So did she. I just wanted to make sure that you wouldn't give up." He says softly. He rubs my cheek with his free hand. I furrow my eyebrows. He wanted me to be happy. I thought he was doing it to make fun of me. Realization hits me that this man actually cares about my feelings. He cares about me.

"You're a good guy, Alex. You might go about things the wrong way, but there's not a doubt in my mind you are a good man." I say softly. I rub the tears from his face and cup his cheeks. Alex's eyes close briefly at my touch and and his hands travel to my sides.

I stand on my tip toes and press my lips to his. He hesitates at first, because I've never done this. It only takes him a brief second to kiss me back. I don't know why I did it. The emotions, the hormones, or do I genuinely like Alex in a sick and twisted way? My eyes close at the feeling of his lips against mine. For once, I actually like the kiss we share. It's gentle, and filled with a passion of something I cannot understand. Mixed emotions are running through my head.

I pull away and give him a soft smile. Alex rubs his thumb over my lips and furrows his eyebrows from my unexpected action. "Can you please pour that whiskey down the drain and go back to bed?" I ask. Alex let's out a sigh and nods his head.
He doesn't protest.