If I stay

Ryan's pov

Ryan's pov:

"Mom?" I call, walking into my parent's home. They had recently bought a small home for the two of then less than a quarter of a mile from the pack house. Their home smells of cinnamon, and it isn't unusual to have it smell like that. She has a problem with baking sweet goodies and giving them away.

"In here," she calls. I follow the sound of her voice until I reach her kitchen. She's reading the news paper at the kitchen table. Her eyes light up when she sees North in my hands. I set her down on her feet, and mom grins.

"Come here, beautiful." She cooed. I smile when North finally recognizes her grandma and wobbles over to her. It's taken North longer than it should have to get her to start walking, but the doctor had told me nothing was wrong with her. She just wasn't motivated. Yet, we've gotten her motivated enough to at least try. She did it.

Now she's into everything. Pots, pans, papers, everything in her reach. North is extremely short, too. She takes after her mother in almost every department of her life. She even has her attitude. North gives me this pouty face when I tell her no, that gets me nearly every time.

"Are you sure you want to watch her?" I ask mom. She simply rolls her eyes and sways her hand at me. It was a stupid question. Since the day North was born mom had been wrapped around her little finger.

Mom had bounced back after a year of fighting cancer. She was finally able to say that she had beat it, and a year later she's healthier than ever. Her hair has grown back to shoulder length, and she's gained by the weight she had before she was diagnosed. The chemo is what nearly taken her from us.

"You have places to be, and I've got to teach my grand daughter how to cook up a cake!" Mom exaggerated. I harden my look at my mother. Sometimes I really do think that she's crazy.

"You better not let her burn herself." I grumble. Mom smirks and shakes her head. "I'm not that big of an idiot, idiot. She'll only help me mix it!" I smile. That's more like it.

"Okay mom. I'll have to hurt you if you hurt my baby." I warn, shaking my head. She let's out a laugh. I kiss North's forehead goodbye, and give my mom a quick hug. I've really got to get to training on time today.

I step out the door and climb into my car. I used to have a sports car -I still do in the garage- but, I've gotten a truck which is much safer for North to ride in.

My phone buzzes. I let out a breath and fish it out of my sweatpants. A message lights up on the screen.

Peyton j:
   How about some coffee after your killer workout? ☕️

I want to leave it on read. I want to tell her no, and the kiss my ass. I cannot though. She has helped me so much with North, that I can't seem to tell her no for anything.

I text her back. Coffee after a work out isn't my thing, but I might have a tea. I lock my phone, and something inside me forces me to make the lock screen light up again.

It's a picture of Taylor. Her eyes are bright, and her smile goes from ear to ear. She's holding North and looking down at her. I'm beside her, a grin just as big on my face. I think Taylor may have said something so stupid that it was funny. I cannot tell if I'm looking at North or Taylor, the picture is a little blurry. I miss her. So much.

I pull out of my mother's driveway. I drive past a single light and pull over on the side of the road. My fingers mindlessly reach up and run across the fading mark on my neck. It only seems to remind me more of her.

I'm quick to dial the number that she had called me off of two months ago. I've tried to call every single day. I don't care what time it is. Every time I call the same thing happens.

"We're sorry, the number you have dialed isn't in service. Please check the number and try again." The automated machine says. My heart pounds and my blood boils. The minute Taylor hung up that phone call that night the line was disconnected. I angrily punch the steering wheel.

She refused to tell me what was happening. I could tell by her voice that day that she was holding back everything. I keep telling myself that she may have found someone new. She might have replaced me. It makes me angry. How can one love someone so much? I want her back. Hell, I need her back. I didn't realize what my life was like without her up until now. North needs her mother, and I need my mate. My wife.

I wanted to track the call. Someone on her end had already cleared that, to keep us from finding out where she was. I tried my hardest to get something to slip from her lips. Some kind of hint. Nothing worked, and she's still out there.

I slam my head against the steering wheel and feel warm tears prick my eyes. I don't force myself to stop crying- I let it all out. I'm weak.

My eyes burn when I pull into the wooded area. It isn't where I'm supposed to be, but it's the place I felt that I needed to be. I walk down the old path that I hadn't traveled in such a long time.

It's disgustingly beautiful out here. Wild flowers have begun to grow where the trees will let them, and even buds have grown on the leaves overhead. I hate it. Yet, I love it all at the same time.

I finally get to where I'm going. I take a seat at the end of the dock and hang my legs over the edge. They almost touch the water, and I scoot back only slightly. This past year has been nothing but hell. I can only imagine Taylor's side to the story.

I get this burning sensation on my mark, reminding me that Taylor and I have been separated for too long. I push my fingers through my hair and stare at my reflection. There isn't much I can do. I've searched everywhere for Taylor. I've went up and down the coast, and even between. There's noting tied to her. The evidence, if there ever was any, would be long gone by now anyways.

I tell Lucas that I won't be there today. I hadn't gone all week. She'll be gone almost two years soon. Two years. 730 days. I cannot take it anymore. I can't concentrate.

Take all the time you need, Ryan. I'm here for you. Lucas says. I nod my head as if he's here with me. I look down at the ring on my finger and sigh. He can relate to what is happening to me. I mean, after all I did kill his mate. There's a difference though.

I love Taylor too much. If she goes, I go.