If I stay

Ryas's point of view

     It's been nearly four months since I've last heard from Taylor. Four I've held her in my arms, or even heard her laugh at something I had done wrong. I miss it. More than anything in the entire world. I miss her.

I'm going crazy without her. She's on my mind every second of every day. My heart seems to break little by little every moment I spend without her.

I want to know what happened to her. I know that she didn't just up and leave. No one believes that. I love Taylor, and she loves me. Nothing in her right mind would have gotten between that.

I gave up searching after two months. The pack needed to rest and be with their families. I decided that she'll be found if she wants to be. It sounds cruel, but that's the only strand of hope to go on. There's not much hope left in me.

North screams as she smiles when she sees me. I smile back. I hate it. When I look at North I see her mother. Her smile, her eyes. Everything. It only reminds me of Taylor more. Which breaks my heart.

I refuse to let the bond between North and I break. I promised  Taylor I wouldn't give up on North. I wanted to give up at one point, but I refused. I had to be there for her. That's what fathers do.

"Let's get you ready for bed, yeah?" I smile down at her. North wobbles on her feet as she walks towards me. I can only smile more. I'm proud of her. She's taken a while to learn to walk but now she's starting to get the hang of it.

"Dada" she says. I grin, lift her into my arms and start down the hallway. North has lots of enegry, and is always on the move. I've tried napping with her but it always ends with the room a wreck.

I change her into a pair of pajamas, smile down at her and put her in her crib. She's such a short baby. I flip on her sleep music and shut off the lights. "Goodnight, sweetheart." I smile. North whines when I walk out. I try to ignore it. She's always keeping me up. I feel guilty leaving her in there alone.

"Ryan," Ava says nearly running into me as I'm slipping out of my daughter's room. I catch her before she hits her head on the wall. She has been staying in the spare bedroom to keep me company. At least, that's what she says but I know it's to monitor my actions with North. I can completely understand. I went crazy when I found out my Taylor was missing. I'm still going crazy without her. I promised her she'd be safe. While she might not be.

"Yes, Ava?" I ask. Her son, Eli is three. I watch him run down the hallway. I let out a ragged breath, pick him up and start back towards the living room. It's already ten. My voice is almost neutral talking to anyone other than my daughter.

"I was just going to tell you that I have to go into work earlier tomorrow, can you watch Eli?" She looks distant. Afraid to even ask me. I blink, nod my head and mumble a soft "yes."

Ava smiles, throws her arms around me in a hug and just holds me there. "Thank you," she mumbles. Slowly I hug her back. The hug means so much more than she thinks.

She pulls away, "thank you so much, I need to get Eli to sleep then I'll get going to bed." She says. She lifts Eli into her arms and starts towards the spare room.

I let out a tired breath, flip off the tv and go back to my own room. Not long after, the house falls silent. All except for me. I can hardly ever sleep. It's crazy how one person can change everything in your life. There's always that one person you can't do anything without. That's my Taylor.

I don't even think I've smiled at an adult since she's been gone. Lucas tells me not to worry. Taylor is a strong woman, and she can fight. She's fought her way home before, and she can fight again. I just don't know. I feel like after the last time all her fight was used up.

My wolf keeps telling me to keep looking and not to stop. I've ran across several states trying to find something, and I came across nothing. Absolutely nothing. I can't bare to come up empty again. I'm getting frustrated with myself. I'm not good enough. What kind of mate can't find the other one?

I roll over in bed and look at the clock. As I lay here thinking, the minutes pass and it's already midnight. I guess time flies by when you don't want it to. So much time has passed since Taylor has been gone. I've wasted so much time.

I hear my phone ringing in the kitchen. When I found out Taylor was missing I had broken it on accident. I was afraid, and angry with myself. I should have protected her more. Who in their right mind took my mate?

I roll out of bed and start towards the kitchen. I'm quiet about it. I don't want to wake anyone up. Especially the babies. That's just bad parenting. I reach my phone and see it glows a number outside of the area code. I furrow my eyebrows.

"Hello?" I ask. A unknown caller has called me so many times. They don't leave voicemails. They just kept calling. It's the only person I never picked up the phone for. I'm afraid of it. What if they tell me my Taylor isn't okay? What if they tell me that she's dead? It would end me. As a Father, Alpha, and even as a person.

"Ryan," my breathing is caught in my throat.

"Taylor?" I keep my voice hushed, but it's hard to. If this is her I've suddenly gotten so much energy. I haven't been able to get ahold of her wolf at all.

"Yeah." She whispers, proving my thoughts. I pace around the kitchen on the phone. There's a million things running through my mind.

"Where are you? Are you okay?" I rush out. Taylor let's out a breath and sighs.

"I'm- I'm pre- I mean there's so much to tell you that has to be in person. I can't tell you where I'm at right now Ryan. But just know that I'll be home in a few months, okay?" Her voice cracks telling me this. My bottom lip quivers.

I feel like I'm going to break down and cry. "Okay." I say. She's telling me she'll be home. It might be awhile but I'm reassured she'll be home. I don't pressure her into telling me why, because I am afraid that it may get her hurt. Taylor is a smart girl, and she will find her way back home.

"Is North walking?" She asks. Taylor's life still revolves around her daughter. I wonder what Taylor is doing. Who's she's with, and if they're treating her right.

"She's just now starting to." I smile. I think she's smiling on the other end of the phone but I'm not too sure.

We spend hours on the phone. I realized how much I missed hearing hear voice. I knew I missed it, but now it feels like I've missed it more than ever.