Beyond My Reach ˚ ✞ . Andy Biersack

5

A week later

*

"You're moving?"

"I'm sorry Monica I just can't stay in Pomona," Adam said

"Okay," I pressed my lips in a line.

"I'm sorry," he repeated "I was gonna tell you sooner but I couldn't bring my self too."

"I said it's okay," I mumbled, he looked at me a bit pained, he opened his arms, I sighed and walked into them. I let him hug me.

"I love you," he mumbled

"I love you too, you big idiot," I said my words muffled since my face was pressed against his shoulder. He chuckled and kissed my fore head.

"I've gotta put the last box in the truck," he said

*

"Monica," my sister's voice brought me to consciousness "Monica!" She said louder this time. I groaned in response "Monica get your ass up right now!" She woke me up, it was the third time I had the same dream, even if it was almost 4 days since he moved to LA.

I knew it was because he didn't want to be around me. I was like a ticking bomb. My blowup at warped was insane, and it seems he had been planning this for months. Sure being an addict is one thing. You can help and not resent a friend whose an addict, but when an addict turns into a liar and a thief, your friend is not your friend when they can no longer be trusted.

That was me.

"Wha... okay," I mumbled sitting up.

"What the hell is this?" She held her hand up, her fingers barely pinched the top of the item. Shit. Shit. Shit.

"Uh, a syringe?"

"What were you doing with it!?" She shouted

"Um Noth-"

"Don't lie to me Monica there's a reason you look high off your ass all the time!" She yelled

"It's not a big deal."

"Not a big deal!?" my sister raged "You have 1 minute to explain," she said through gritted teeth.

"You really don't wanna ask," I mumbled guiltily.

"Tell me!"

"You want to know? Fine! I'm a heroin addict, a junkie! Same shit it's always been what do you fucking want from me?" I spat, "what did you expect anything different? expect me to change? get better!?"

She looked at me like I was some disgusting creature "You're gonna be just like dad! You're gonna die like him too!" Our dad was an alcoholic but he was never bad, he just sat there and cried for hours while drinking.

That's where I snapped. "You're a real fucking bitch for that one Lilly," i sneered a little bit, "Yeah and you're just like mom, pressuring people to meet your standards, caring more about other people than your own blood," I sneered. "you ever think you're one of the reasons why I can't quit!?" Blaming always became a default to me. In desperation of not being wrong. I knew better, but i was on my high horse.

Her nostrils flared, you could see the hate in her eyes. Never mind I was taller she still grabbed me by my hair and pulled me to the door I winced from the pain but just stood there. She brought my bag and shoved my guitar in my arms, she sped to the bathroom and I heard the clattering of pill bottles. She marched in the room shooting me a nasty look before my mood stabilizers were thrown at me.

"Get out!" She screamed at me "get out of my damn home you piece of shit!"

My eyes widen, "what no- I'm sorry lily," I quickly changed my manners.

"I said get out my home!" she yelled at me.

"lily please- i need to live somewhere! I need you- It was a mistake I-I relapsed," i basically begged, "please you can't-"

"I can. I will. get out." she seethed.

I took a deep breath, "I want my cat first."

"You're one stupid bitch, you don't have a job, you're an addict, you're pretty much homeless and you think you can take care of another living thing when you can't take control of your own life," she laughed, it was bitter, and outlandish.

I swallowed looking her in the eyes "blood may as well be as thin as water in this family."

"Get out of my home!"

I opened the door, slinging my bag on my shoulder and my guitar on the other one, I stuffed my two pill bottles in a pocket of my sagging jeans I had on since last night.

I was screwed absolutely screwed, I couldn't go to Adam he left, and I don't even have money to buy my self food. What ever the hell was happening I wasn't gonna let my self cry.

This wasn't my rock bottom yet, and I'm not giving up not without trying.

I pulled my hoodie up as it started to rain. My stomach growled and pained in hunger, I haven't eaten since last night. I had no where to sleep and I had been sitting outside a bar for the last few hours strumming on my guitar until I got some tips, but still it wasn't enough. I was close to done with my stash as well as my junior mint one. I figured that would keep me alive for at least six days.

Maybe I should start to get clean.

Ha.

I grabbed my bag and stuffed my guitar in the case before walking to the bus stop. I sat under the little shelter using my bag as a cushion and holding onto my guitar. I dozed off unintentionally but I woke up when the bus arrived, I got up fishing a few coins from my pocket and dropping them in. I sat in the back by myself and watched out the window as the bus started driving. I'd have to get off at the third stop, I knew this because that's where I stayed for a week before I moved in with Lily, I never bothered Adam about needing a place to stay, he couldn't afford two people so I always avoided that. I also felt bad for ignoring his calls the last few hours but I didn't want to talk to him.

I counted the stops until I got off. My phone vibrated, it was a text from him so I opened it.

I'm sorry Monica I just can't watch you do this to your self any more, I talked to Lily you lied to me again.

I knew what this ment, he was giving up, and I don't blame him. I've lied to him to much, I guess him watching me screw up my life hurt him just as I thought it would. It was official, I'm alone.

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