Beyond My Reach ˚ ✞ . Andy Biersack

13

October 30th

"So you're suggesting to come on hang with you and your friends tomorrow on my birthday?" I asked, Andy nodded "aren't they all guys?"

We were at my apartment, we went out prior on date number four. Movies at a drive in and a few kisses mixed it was really nice. We got a little carried away almost trying to get in each others pants in the trunk of his van. But extenuating circumstances, the children around, prohibited that behavior.

"Well not all of them, we were all gonna get together on Halloween, just so happens that's your birthday, I don't think you should spend your 29th birthday night by your self..."

I smiled a bit "you're thoughtful."

"Thank you," he chuckled.

"I guess going with you would be fun."

"Sounds like a yes," Andy said wiggling his eyebrow.

"I don't know..."

"Ronnie will be there," Andy said trying to convince me.

"Let me check if I have plans," I said and picked up my phone, Andy pouted. He could be so hard to resist when he did that "apparently my social life sucks, my only plans were to mope around and count how may days are in 29 years, so yeah I'm free."

Andy laughed, his eyes squinting "you have such a unique way to give answers that can be summed up in 5 or less words."

"I try my hardest," I shrugged.

"What to get someone like you..." he thought aloud.

"I'll be fine with either a pack of cigarettes or junior mints."

Andy laughed again "really something else."

I sat down on the old couch next to him, Andy put his arm around me and sort of maneuvered me to his side. I looked up at him and suddenly we both started laughing. We were two adults who laughed like 3 year olds.

I was on cloud nine around him, was I falling for him? Yeah you bet. Something about Andy just turned me into some soft, romantic, idiot. I'm hopeless with this relationship game.

We chilled out eventually just sitting and talking. Listening to his wonderful voice. I think I fell asleep at some point, It was late at that point. But all I know is I woke up in my bed the next morning the same agonizing way as the rest, wanting more drugs. That is immediately what I went for, up and stumbling trying to cure my morning anxiety and jitters. My vision was too spotty and the stress was going to induce my hallucinations. I needed help badly.

Not the right type of help however as I scrambled through my bathroom getting my hands on my junk at the bottom of the cabinet hidden from no one. I'll spare the gory details but I was out of commission as I felt a warm embrace followed by my heartbeat becoming a comfortable pace for my numb mind. All I needed was my little bit of bliss.

And then it's fucking gone and I was back to my reality

It was the day I was one year closer to death. The joy the thought brought me was pathetic. I decided I could use some cleaning up. I forced a shower upon my self, although sometimes I wish I could just bury my self under dirt and be a potato than have a horrible shower, I still took it.

"One more year off the life span," I muttered to my self once I was out of my morning daze. I saw I had gotten a text from Andy.

Hey Moni, hope you slept okay, you were pretty tired and I had to go. But I'll see you tonight at five?

I smiled.

Sounds nice.

Yeah my reply sucked. Whatever.