falling in leaves

seven

"always fine"

I had spent all evening putting together this candle-lit dinner for us. Once Keisha left, I couldn't help but do a celebratory dance. It'd been a while since I got the place all to myself, and I was planning on getting cozy with Juwan to pass the time. After going grocery shopping for quite a few things, I began to set everything up.

I set the table and positioned the candles where I wanted them. I placed the chocolate covered fruit in the fridge and proceeded to prep the meal. I decided that I'd hook up his favorite meal, but I'd spice it up a bit by adding a couple of different spices and substituting a few things. Once things were done, I made plates and wrapped them up in foil and placed them in the microwave to keep them warm while I cleaned up the kitchen. After that, I showered. Once I was washed up, I moisturized my skin and debated on an outfit. It didn't need to be too extravagant, but I wanted him to look at me and not be able to control himself. That's the look I was going for.

I put on a short, fitted dress before slipping my feet into heels and changing wigs. After reapplying glue and laying my edges, I proceeded to add to the ambiance. Sprinkling rose petals everywhere and pouring wine and putting on some music— everything was coming together quite nicely. The sun had long set by the time I was pouring us glasses of wine, and 8:00 would soon be arriving. I grabbed the plates, which were still warm and set them on the table before lighting the candles and some incense.

Butterflies possessed my stomach while I made sure I looked good in the mirror. I smoothed down my dress and adjusted my off the shoulder straps before flipping my hair so that it no longer resided over my bare shoulders. I looked good, and I anticipated hearing him confirm the fact. I caught myself smiling at the thought.

I was never the one to search for validation from people, especially men. That hasn't been my flava' since I learned how to love myself, but feeling Juwan's eyes drink in my appearance and hearing him say that I looked good started to feed my self-esteem.

I wondered what he'd be wearing tonight. I wondered if he'd remember to bring flowers. If he did, would it be sunflowers? I know I told him that I liked sunflowers just fine, but he never seemed like the kind of man to stick to a routine for too long. Even if he forgot the flowers, I don't think I'd mind, this time. It was getting cold, and flowers were simply out of season now. They've technically been out of season, but it meant the world to me that'd he go and get some for me.

Juwan was really sweet. He wasn't perfect, but he treated me nice and listened to me. He was more in tune with his emotions than he led on, but the fact that he was only made him sexier to me. His touch drove me wild, and tonight, I planned on feeding my appetite. I was giddy just thinking about how it'd feel to be in his arms and have him between my thighs. I wanted to finally do those things I'd been secretly fantasizing about for the past few weeks.

However, the longer I found myself pacing the kitchen and the colder our food became, the less excited I was for our evening. I ate dinner alone and kept Juwan's plate wrapped up. Maybe Keisha'll want it when she comes home tomorrow. I blew out quite a few of the new candles I bought and took off my heels. I didn't want to lose hope yet so I kept one candle lit and continued to sip on the new bottle of wine I bought. Once the clock was going on 10:30, I found myself in a whirlwind of emotions as I sat at the dinner table watching the flame of the lone candle sway. I was angry and disappointed and sad. I was angry because I spent all of this time putting this evening together for him to just flake on me. I even called him a couple of times only to receive his answering machine. I was pissed because I felt like I was the only one making us a priority. . . Granted, there is no "us" per se, but damn. . . I thought we had something going. Obviously, he doesn't take me as seriously as I've started to take him, and I grew frustrated with myself in that aspect.