"we fell in love the way you fall in leaves."
Juwan "Rocky" Rockwell has had a pretty hard life. Between trying to find a way to fend for himself and dealing with the normal hardships of teenage angst, he had nowhere to turn as an adolescent and no...
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"puzzle pieces"
"Tell me, Mr. Rockwell—" "It's Rocky," I interjected. "Rocky," she gave a single nod of acknowledgement.
"Tell me, Rocky. Do you believe in anything?" she asked. "What'chu mean?" I questioned nonchalantly as I had since the start of the session. "Do you believe in God? A god? A life's philosophy, maybe?" she inquired, expanding on her question.
I shrugged. "I mean— yeah." "How involved are you in your religion?" she questioned. "I don't go to church or nothin' like that. I don't pray that much, but. . . God knows my heart. You nah'mean?" I nodded, remaining relaxed although this was beginning to feel like an interrogation session.
"How would you say that affects you and your relationships?"
I shrugged. "I don't know. . . but I know I'm blessed. Shit ain't always worked out the way I hoped, but it could be worse. My baby mama could hate me, but she doesn't. My ex could hate me, but she doesn't. Those are miracles in of themselves."
"Why would you say those are miracles?" she asked, continuing to write on her lil' steno pad.
"Because I damaged the both of them. I did shit that I'm not so proud of to the both of them. . . I'm actually here for my baby mama. She said she wanted me to get peace for the baby, and. . . maybe if this whole thing works and I finally turn into what she wants, we can get back together," I reasoned.
"Wouldn't it just be easier being yourself?"
"The person I am is a cancer to her happiness. I feed on her until I'm bored, and I toss her aside for something more enticing. When things become bitter, I go back to her. She was always my back-up plan," I shook my head. "but now I realize that she's all I want."
The woman parted her lips to speak, but I continued ranting.
"I know that what I did to her makes me sound like an asshole, Doc, but. . . I'm serious now. Whenever I'm around her, especially now that she's pregnant, I want more than anything to just put together the perfect family portrait. I see it every time I close my eyes. . . but I just can't figure out how to put the pieces together. I pick up the pieces, and they crumble in my hands. . . Every single time— and she's got a man now. She talks about him like he's perfect, and it's not like she even really talks about him. . . but I can tell she's in love with him. She's never said it, but it's all in the way she talks to me. . . 'I'm fine, J. He already got it. . . I already ate. We went out for lunch'," I mocked her briefly before continuing. "He takes care of her, Doc— something I'd never done. . . and now I'm paying for it."
"The woman that I thought was the only woman I loved— Quinn— left me twice. The second time didn't hurt so bad, but I was numb by then. She could've ripped my heart out with her bear hands and I wouldn't have felt it. . . but with Ava—"
