High School // Malec

Chapter 11.

- Magnus?
The look on his face when he saw me was pure horror. I didn't have to be some kind of FBI agent or Sherlock Holmes to figure out that he was beyond surprised to see me here,  but at the same time, I was beyond surprised to see him here too.
- What are you doing here? He asked
His usually cocky voice was now filled with so much fear and honestly, he actually looked like he wanted to open a window and jump.
- I seriously was just about to ask you the same question, I answered
Great, can this day get any worse? It's not bad enough that I have to go to a stupid support group and talk about me feelings, but one of my bullies also had to be at the same meeting for some fucked up reason.
- Is this why you haven't been in school? I carefully asked after a while of awkward silence
- Like I'm going to tell you, Magnus answered with a stern voice
- Why do you hate me so much?
I already had asked Magnus this question before down at the coffee shop, but I really needed to know the answer. I have never done anything that could possible make him hate me this much but for some reason, he can't even have a normal conversation with me.
- I don't want to talk to you
Before my brain got the chance to realise what was happening, Magnus had walked past me and left the room. My mind was screaming at me to follow him and crave a proper answer, but it was like my legs didn't dare themselves to move. Maybe this was for the best. I mean, now I didn't have to worry about the fact that Magnus would probably bully me even more if I had to tell some kind of sappy story about my life as a suicidal teenager at this support meeting. Then again, I couldn't just let him walk away. I needed an answer why he chose to bully me and not some other loser at the school. Before I knew it, I had left the room and started running towards the entrance. As I walked out of the door, I saw how Magnus stood a little bit further down the street. I took a deep breath and started walking towards him.
- Can we talk? I asked
- Why can't you understand that I don't want to talk to you? I hate you so fucking much, Magnus answered
- Can't you just man up and tell me why you hate me to much? I almost screamed and felt how tears started making their way down my cheeks
- Do you really want to know why I hate you? Magnus asked
- Yes
- I hate you so much because you don't even fucking remember what happened between us
- What are you talking about? What happened between us? I asked
- Third grade, Alec. We were nine years old and guess what? We were best friends. Don't you remember? Magnus answered and for some reason, he avoided eye contact
- Best friends? That's impossible. You have hated me for as long as I can remember, I answered
- I haven't always hated you. When I moved here from Indonesia, you were the only one who talked to me. Everyone else in our class thought that I was different and weird, but you didn't care that I had another skin colour, Magnus said
- I'm sorry, but I have still no idea what you're talking about
- I was the first one who called you Alec. When I was smaller, I couldn't pronounce the letter x, so you came up with a nickname so I wouldn't make a fool out of myself
When Magnus had stopped talking, it felt like my heart was going to explode. It was like all of my memories from my childhood came back in flashes. I remember it all. How I met Magnus for the first time in third grade. He was crying in the bathroom, claiming that everyone in our class hated him. I remember how I comforted him and how I told him that no matter what, I would always be there for him. The both of us were so young and it was like a long time ago, but hearing Magnus talking about it was like getting hit by a train of different emotions.
- Oh my god, I whispered
- I take the look of surprise that you do remember, Magnus said
- I do
- Good, then you also should remember why I hate you
- No, I actually don't remember. You said we used to be best friends, right? What happened? I asked
Seriously, is he stupid or something? Why can't he understand that I can't remember something that happened when we were nine years old?
- Jace happened, Magnus answered
- What?
- We were nine years old when your family adopted Jace and suddenly, I wasn't that interesting anymore. You left my side when I needed you the most and for that, I hate you
- That's not a good reason. I can't help that I got a brother, I said and actually felt pretty angry
- That's not all of it
- What do you mean?
- I hate you because even though you were already depressed at a young age, I never left your side, but when someone that didn't know anything about you started to pay attention to you, it was like I didn't exist. I hate you because you survived your suicide attempt, Magnus answered
- How did you know about that?
- Don't be stupid, Alec. I have seen every scar on your body
- Well, I'm sorry that I didn't die, I answered and the tears only kept running down my cheeks
- You know what? Me too, because if you would have died that day, I would never have to see you again and get reminded of everything that happened to me, Magnus answered
- What happened to you? You're the most popular guy in school and the captain of the soccer team. You have a normal life with people who loves so what the hell happened to you?
- MY MOTHER KILLED HERSELF, Magnus screamed and to my surprise, tears were now streaming down his beautiful cheeks
- What? I stuttered
- It happened only a couple of days after Jace came into your life. I tried to talk to you about it, but you never payed attention to me. Jace was the only one you saw and cared about. You gained a family member and at the same time, I lost one
- Is that why you hate me? Because your mother killed herself? I asked
- No, I hate you because you survived your suicide attempt and she didn't. I hate you because you got a new chance to keep fighting, but she didn't. I needed my mother, Alec. When you left me, I was broken. You were the only friend I had and then suddenly, I was completely alone with an abusive stepfather, Magnus said
- I'm sorry, I whispered
- You don't get to apologise, not after you left me all those years ago
- If I had known about your mother, I would never have left you, I said and looked at him with sad eyes
- Bullshit
- I'm telling you the truth, Magnus. I remember everything now, including the day when Jace came into my life. If I had known back then about your life, about your mum, I would have supported you through it all. I promise
- You? Support me? Come on, Alec. You're a suicidal teenager. How the hell were you going to support me? Magnus asked with a sarcastic voice
- We could have supported each other, I answered
Magnus didn't answer. Instead he just kept his gaze on the ground, but I could see how his whole body was tense. How could I have forgotten about all of this? Magnus was my best friend and I left him.
- I need to go home, Magnus said after a while of silence
- Wait, can't we start over? I want you back in my life. You were my best friend in third grade and you can be my best friend now, I said
- Don't you get it? I don't want to be your friend, Alec. I trusted you and you threw me away like a piece of garbage. There's a reason why I haven't punched you like Raphael and the others because I know that deep down, I still care about you and I hate myself so much for that
- Punch me, I answered
- Excuse me? Magnus asked
- Punch me and get your revenge, but please, stop bullying me. I can't take it anymore, Magnus
- I'm not going to punch you. I'm not bullying you so you later can go home and cut yourself, I'm bullying you so I won't get to attached to you again, Magnus answered
- What am I supposed to do so you won't hate me anymore?
- I don't know. Honestly, I don't know if I ever can forgive you
Before I got the chance to open my mouth and answer, Magnus had already started walking and before I knew it, I was alone.

// TBC \\